Writers and Lovers

“I don’t write because I think I have something to say. I write because if I don’t, everything feels even worse.”

This quote, a significant personal admission from Casey, highlights her deep connection to her craft. It’s a crucial point to make in the first chapter, because it’s important for the reader to understand that despite her poverty, Casey must devote her life to writing. Throughout the novel, writing remains both a coping mechanism and a lens through which to view the world.

“Conversations in foreign languages don’t linger in my head like they do in English. They don’t last. They remind me of the invisible-ink pen my mother sent me for Christmas when I was fifteen and she had gone, an irony that escaped her but not me.” 

This quote emphasizes several layered elements about Casey’s characterization. The first is how smart she is; she knows several languages and is sharply interested and knowledgeable about the world. Secondly, this intelligence is sharply juxtaposed by her lifestyle of waitressing and living in a potting shed, inviting the reader to ask how a creative and smart person like Casey could live in such financial turmoil. Third, this quote highlights Casey’s memory, and as this is a book about a woman trying to flee the memories of her past for a more positive future, it’s important to note how easily triggered her consciousness is to thoughts of her past life and her mother. 

“I look into my eyes, but they aren’t really mine, not the eyes I used to have. They’re the eyes of someone very tired and very sad, and once I see them I feel even sadder and then I see that sadness, that compassion, for the sadness in my eyes…I’m both the sad person and the person wanting to comfort the sad person.” 

This quote demonstrates the brutal loneliness of Casey’s adulthood. She is not so young anymore, but neither is she old. When Casey sees herself in the mirror, she is sad that she can’t see the woman she used to see: a poor writer still, but one with friends, lovers, and a mother.