Words on Bathroom Walls

In August 2012, Adam writes his first journal entry for his ToZaPrex clinical trial. He is uninterested in therapy, but he does agree to write down his feelings in the journal to be read later. He believes the drug, not therapy, has the power to fix his illness, but he steers clear of discussing the drug too. He wants to treat the situation like he treats everything he wishes weren’t real: “like it doesn’t exist” (2).

Adam first started hallucinating when he was 12 years old. He kept it a secret from his mom for as long as he could, finally telling her when his school called home to report odd behavior. Afterwards, everything changed. Adam’s mother looked at him differently, and his stepfather Paul was suddenly afraid of him.

Now, Adam is 16. In two weeks, he will start his junior year of high school at a new school, St. Agatha’s Catholic. The school’s administration knows about Adam’s illness and that they can’t discuss it with anyone. While Adam appreciates this, it doesn’t make the prospect of school much more appealing. Starting at a new school is hard enough, and making friends becomes more difficult “when people know you see things you shouldn’t be able to see” (6).