Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

Smith offers an insightful look into the challenges posed by criticism and disapproval, a universal experience often mishandled due to the lack of proper tools and understanding.

The anticipation of criticism can stifle ambitions, emphasizing the importance of effectively managing these sentiments. It’s unrealistic to adopt an attitude of indifference towards others’ opinions. Humans have evolved to be sensitive to societal perceptions, as our ancestors depended on community cohesion for survival. Historically, being rejected by one’s community could be a genuinely life-threatening situation. Modern-day rejections might not be life-threatening, but they still impact health and well-being.

Humans rely on the perceptions of others to shape their identities, a phenomenon termed as the ‘looking glass self’. Thus, our actions are strongly influenced by the fear of criticism from others.

One extreme reaction to the fear of disapproval is people-pleasing, a behavior where one continually prioritizes others’ needs over one’s own, often at personal cost. Rooted in childhood survival instincts, especially in hostile environments, this behavior can become obstructive in adult relationships.

Criticism isn’t always voiced directly. Sometimes, perceived disapproval is an outcome of the ‘spotlight effect’, where individuals overestimate how much they are being observed and judged. This is often more pronounced in those with social anxieties.