While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence

Meg wanted to make sure that all her siblings were on board with her telling the family story, which meant having difficult conversations and asking hard questions. She also found a therapist whom she worked well with, who helped her to see that it was okay to feel pain about her past. She also helped Meg to understand why her family members’ lives unfolded as they did. Meg started writing While You Were Out, and the more she wrote, the more she learned about her family. She discovered that Jean left Molly in charge of Nancy on the day she died and needed time to process her anger and forgive her mother. Meg ultimately realized that Jean’s mistake did not define her as a person. She also discovered that Patty spent time in a psychiatric hospital and that Mary Kay felt guilty about her abortion for decades.

In reading through Danny and Nancy’s death records, Meg discovered that both had fully intended to end their lives. This brought her comfort because it meant neither she nor anyone else in the family was responsible. Meg also remembered happier memories of Holmer, before the recent years of resentment. She learned that her parents were complex rather than wholly good or bad.