We Have Been Friends Together

Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton, born Caroline Sheridan, was an English poet, songwriter, novelist, and editor during the Victorian era. Married at only 19, Norton was noted in society as a charming and beautiful intellectual. “We Have Been Friends Together” first appeared in The Undying One and Other Poems, which was published in 1830, three years into her ill-fated marriage to George Norton, an abusive lawyer. Written as a ballad, this poem is indicative of Norton’s shorter poem style. She usually wrote in a defined form, such as ballads or sonnets, and often touched on the poignance of longing for happy childhood and true love. Her poems also typically discuss betrayal and emotional hardship. These subjects may have been informed by her difficult domestic situation. Norton is most famous for her advocacy of marital rights, which was born out of her decision to leave her husband in 1836 due to his physical abuse. George Norton subsequently gained custody of their three young sons and accused his wife of having an affair with British Prime Minister Lord Melbourne. The case was thrown out, but Norton learned that under British law she had no rights to her children. Appalled, she began fiercely advocating for changes—eventually succeeding in getting reforms passed. Although her creative work has largely been forgotten, Norton was very popular during her lifetime, and her poems were widely anthologized. Since 1990, there has been a resurgence of interest in her life, particularly as a reformer, with several major biographies and a collection of her selected letters appearing in print.

Poet Biography

English poet, novelist, and political advocate Caroline Norton was born on March 22, 1808, to Thomas Sheridan, son of playwright Richard Sheridan, and his wife, the novelist Caroline Callandar. The year before Norton’s birth, the Sheridans lost their fortune in a fire at the Drury Lane Theatre. Then, Norton’s father died when she was nine, leaving his family without a steady income. An old family friend came to their aid, allowing Norton and her siblings to grow up in high society. The three Sheridan sisters—Caroline, the elder Helen, and younger Georgiana—became known for their beauty and accomplishments and were referred to collectively as “the Three Graces.” Eventually, Helen married a Baron and Georgiana later married a Duke. These matches worked out well, but Norton was not so fortunate. When she was 19, she agreed to marry George Chapple Norton due to pressure to improve the family finances.

The marriage was immediately plagued by Norton’s jealousy and abusive behavior, which was verbal and physical and exacerbated by alcoholism. Norton hid much of her own trauma while entertaining dozens of notable literary and public figures at her home. To support her family, she wrote songs, novels, plays, and poems, which were met with a positive response. She also served as an editor. In 1830, her third book of poetry, The Undying One and Other Poems, appeared. Many of the poems in this collection, including “We Have Been Friends Together,” were labelled as “songs” and widely anthologized.

Outwardly, Norton was a charming, vivacious figure, but behind the scenes there was domestic violence. In 1836, she left her husband and subsisted on her earnings as a writer. However, George sued her—and won. Claiming his rights under marriage, George received the copyrights to all her creative work as well as her personal effects. George also gained custody of their three young sons and refused to let Norton see them. Under English law, she had no rights to custody or visitation. George then accused Norton of having an illicit affair with Lord Melbourne, Queen Victoria’s Prime Minister. He tried to blackmail Melbourne, but Melbourne told him they’d settle it in court. The jury assumed the accusations were just political sabotage, and quickly threw out the case. However, Norton was subjected to vicious attacks on her character in the press. George refused to divorce her and sent their children to live with relatives in Scotland.

According to Ross Nelson and Marie Mulvey-Roberts, the appalled Norton wrote in a letter about her outrage—“A woman has apparently no individual destiny, she is the property of those on whom she may reflect, desire it or otherwise” (15). (For a link to Nelson and Mulvey-Roberts’ Introduction, see Further Resources.) Determined to correct this imbalance, Norton determined to change the law and lobbied for reforms, addressing Parliament and the queen. She wrote to newspapers and published pamphlets on the subject throughout her life. In 1839, women were granted the right to apply for custody of their children. Sadly, Norton’s youngest son died in 1842 under George’s care—but she was able to spend time with her other two sons afterward.

Although more widely known for her work to secure rights for women, Norton continued to write and earn praise for her poetry and songs. When George discovered she had been left a legacy by Melbourne, he terminated her allowance and again smeared her in the press. Norton used her fame as a writer to again advocate for rights for married women through essays published as pamphlets. These were instrumental in the passage of the Marriage and Divorce Act of 1857, which allowed women to be treated as distinct legal entities from their spouses.

When George died in 1875, Norton was 69. In 1877, she married her longtime friend, historian and politician William Stirling-Maxwell, and became Lady Stirling-Maxwell. Even though she died of illness shortly thereafter—on June 15, 1877—her second marriage was reported as happy. Although she continued to write, she is best remembered for changing women’s rights in England.

Poem Text

We have been friends together, 

 In sunshine and in shade; 

Since first beneath the chestnut-trees 

 In infancy we played. 

But coldness dwells within thy heart,

 A cloud is on thy brow; 

We have been friends together— 

 Shall a light word part us now?

We have been gay together; 

 We have laugh'd at little jests;

For the fount of hope was gushing 

 Warm and joyous in our breasts. 

But laughter now hath fled thy lip, 

 And sullen glooms thy brow; 

We have been gay together—

 Shall a light word part us now?

We have been sad together, 

 We have wept, with bitter tears, 

O'er the grass-grown graves, where slumber'd 

 The hopes of early years.

The voices which are silent there 

 Would bid thee clear thy brow; 

We have been sad together— 

 Oh! what shall part us now?

Norton, Caroline Elizabeth Sarah. “We Have Been Friends Together.” 1830. Poets.org.

Summary

The speaker and their friend have had an argument, which has hurt their long-term friendship. The speaker reminds the friend that the friendship, which began when they were children, has had good and bad moments before, but has always endured. The friend has been deeply hurt by something the speaker has said, and the friendship is at risk for a permanent break. The speaker emphasizes their shared past, reminding the friend of their triumphs, hopes, and joys. Further, the speaker reminds the friend they have stood by each other when things were more difficult, especially when their dreams did not reach fulfillment. The speaker implies they should reconcile before they are parted forever.