We Are the Ants

“That’s what I assume they’re doing. Trying to fathom the motives of an advanced alien race who possess the technological capacity to travel through the universe is like the frog I dissected in ninth grade trying to understand why I cut it open and pinned its guts to the table. The sluggers could be blasting me with deadly radiation or stuffing me full of slugger eggs just to see what happens. Hell, I could be some slugger kid’s science fair project.”

This quote juxtaposes humankind with extraterrestrial life. The comparison in this quote helps Henry and, by extension Hutchinson marvel at the superiority of other potential life forms in the universe, thus highlighting the relative weaknesses of human beings. This quote calls into question human notions of ultimate superiority and proposes that there may be life forms that are so much more advanced than us that one of their kids could make a school project out of us. This quote incorporates humor to express this poignant message. This quote also incorporates irony because while humans believe that they can dissect other living objects for study, they can also be dissected as subjects for study.

“Most people probably believe they would have pressed the button in my situation—nobody wants the world to end, right?—but the truth is that nothing is as simple as it seems. Turn on the news; read some blogs. The world is a shit hole, and I have to consider whether it might be better to wipe the slate clean and give the civilization that evolves from the ashes of our bones a chance to get it right.”

Most people Henry asks about the choice to save or destroy the planet immediately advocate for life over destruction. Henry believes he has a harder time answering the question because he sees what other people cannot, namely, the complex layers of sadness and pain in the world. But Henry also has blind spots, such as his lack of appreciation for anything beautiful or meaningful in the world. Henry’s approach to the choice of destroying the Earth or not is informed by his own traumas and pain, which is understandable but ultimately problematic. Like many teenagers, Henry sees the world around him as broken and irreparable, so he becomes nihilistic.

“I think most people would have pressed the button the moment they realized the stakes. Most people are motivated by their own self-interest, and pushing the button would ensure their survival. But I am not most people. Maybe that’s why the sluggers chose me: they weren’t sure what I’d do.”

Henry again speculates about how different he is from other people. But this quote exposes the unreliability of a first-person narrative point-of-view. While Henry believes, with some derision, that other people are motivated by their self-interest, and he is not, in actuality, he is. Henry contemplates destroying Earth to rid himself of his pain, assuming that his pain is more important than others’ pain and indicative of how humankind exists. Henry is not as different from other people as he would like to believe. This quote also raises the question of why Henry is repeatedly chosen as a source of study for the sluggers and the decider of the Earth’s future.

“That’s the problem with memories: you can visit them, but you can’t live in them.”

This quote highlights one of Henry’s deepest internal conflicts. He is plagued by memories of a past that he can’t live in again: memories of his father, memories of Jesse, and altogether happier times. The beauty of Henry’s memories, and the sadness of memories such as his father leaving or Jesse’s death by suicide, prevent Henry from living in the moment or developing hope for the future.

“‘There’s an amazing world out there for you to discover, Henry Denton, but you have to be willing to discover yourself first.’”

Diego pinpoints one of Henry’s deepest internal struggles: He doesn’t yet know himself. Life tragedies, alien abductions, and dealing with cruelty at home and school have made Henry ashamed of himself instead of excited to discover who he is. Here, Diego, and by extension, Hutchinson, advocate for self-discovery to appreciate the world. Thus, Diego identifies what Henry must do to press the button: find himself so he can appreciate the world he is a part of.

“Sometimes I wonder if the sluggers sent Diego Vega to Calypso to test my resolve. It makes more sense than his persistent attempts to be my friend when everyone else at school barely notices me. His reluctance to talk about his past coupled with the fact that I haven’t been abducted since Marcus’s party makes me seriously consider that this is simply an elaborate experiment and Diego is nothing more than a variable in a slugger equation.”

Diego’s introduction is a plot twist that makes Henry question his resolve to end the world. Although Diego doesn’t completely change his mind, he gives Henry a new ally, a new companion, and a safe space at school. Henry parallels Diego’s character with the sluggers because the coincidence of the choice presented to Henry through the form of the button and Diego’s introduction seems too ironic to be real life. Diego symbolizes hope and the opportunity for regaining happiness. This quote also emphasizes that Henry’s low self-esteem has become so self-destructive that he can’t accept that people might truly like him.

“It wasn’t Jesse, couldn’t have been Jesse, but he was right. I should be dead. I wish I were dead. Because you can only die once, but you can suffer forever.”

This quote emphasizes Henry’s fear of the future as marked by pain. Henry struggles daily and sees no possibility of respite. This emphasizes his youth because he hasn’t yet learned how time can heal, but it also escalates the implied danger Henry is to himself. Henry’s suicidal ideations are tied to Jesse’s death by suicide and Henry’s loneliness, marginalization, and depression. Henry believes that death is freeing, highlighting his inability to process his pain as temporary or manageable.

“I was surrounded by heaven. The sun, the moon, the earth, and all those living stars. They weren’t static like in pictures taken from impossibly far away—they breathed, they glowed. They were future and past, possibility and memory. They were beautiful.”

Hutchinson uses the cosmos, specifically the stars, to symbolize an awe-inspiring beauty. Here, Hutchinson characterizes the sun, the earth, and the moon as alive instead of static. Hutchinson parallels the earth, moon, sun, and stars with the fluid connections between the future and the past. He parallels the future with possibility and the past as memory. This fluidity expresses Hutchinson’s appreciation for the depth of beauty inherent in the galaxy and juxtaposes Henry’s nihilism. Hutchinson provides Henry with this experience to emphasize the need for character development. Notably, even after this out-of-body experience, Henry still struggles to find a reason to save the Earth.

“I can’t help thinking that if we live long enough, we’ll all eventually forget the lives we’ve lived. The faces of people closest to us, the memories we swore we’d hold on to for the rest of our lives. First kisses and last kisses and all the passion between the years. We have to watch Nana’s life slipping away from her like a forgotten word. I thought I understood what’s happening to her, but this isn’t like being robbed a penny at a time. Memories aren’t currency to spend; they’re us. Age isn’t stealing from my grandmother; it’s slowly unwinding her.”

Henry’s nihilism is in part inspired by watching the pain his family endures. His grandmother’s descent into senility saddens him and makes him wonder what the point of memories are if they disappear eventually. Henry does not consider the experience of memory-making in this pessimism. His concern about memory consumes him because all he has of Jesse and his own father are memories. If memories can be lost, then Henry feels his identity can be unmoored.

“An oil painting of a raven clawing its way out of a young boy’s chest caught my attention. The boy was sprawled on a frozen lake, his eyes white and blind, his mouth open in a last word. What clothes he wore were shredded and soaked with blood and saliva. The bird emerging from the boy’s chest looked toward the sky. Its wings were spread as if preparing to fly, and its hooked talons pierced the boy’s heart. But it wasn’t the gore or broken ribs or the frozen heart that disturbed me. It was the last word. The raven was going to strand it on the boy’s lips. It seemed beyond cruel to leave the word behind where no one would ever hear it.”

Diego’s paintings are full of metaphors about transformation and escape. In this painting, Henry is struck by the lost last word from the boy’s mouth. This projects Henry’s loss of self in the unanswered questions after Jesse’s death. The speechlessness of the boy in the painting mirrors the incomprehensibility of Jesse’s tragedy, as well as the injustice of living without answers. But the raven in this painting also signifies a flight away from or to something, implying hope or resurrection. Diego, much more so than Henry, has an astute sense that life is challenging but also beautiful. Diego paints these paradoxes.

“Yet I found myself wanting to see what could happen next. Diego managed to keep surprising me. I wasn’t exactly having second thoughts about the end of the world, but I was glad I had a choice.”

This quote emphasizes a turning point in the plot and Henry’s characterization. Here, Henry expresses gratitude for the choice of pushing the button or not for the first time. In earlier chapters, the choice given to Henry is overwhelming, filling him with resentment and dread. This quote highlights a positive first step in Henry’s foreshadowed journey to discovering something worth living for. Diego’s character is an important secondary character that inspires the protagonist to hope for the future. This quote also highlights Hutchinson’s overall theme that although people can be the source of our unhappiness, they are also the source of our redemptive happiness.

“I wonder what preventing the destruction of Earth means to the sluggers. In all of the universe, are we unique? Is there something humans possess that makes us worth saving? Maybe out of all the billions of planets, music is unique to Earth. Or books. The sluggers have fallen in love with Kerouac and Keats and Woolf and Shakespeare, and hope I’ll press the button to preserve our literature for other alien races to explore. Then again, maybe we really are the ants. If I don’t press that button, the sluggers will simply collect a couple of breeding pairs and restart the human experiment on another planet.”

In this quote, Hutchinson again revisits the smallness of the human race in the grand scheme of things. Compared to what else must be out there in the universe, human beings seem small and superficial. Henry views the sluggers as advanced and, therefore, superior to humans. Still, there are some things that humans offer that it appears other species cannot, such as literature and music. What’s questionable in this quote is why the sluggers need Henry to push the button and why they can’t save Earth themselves. Or, if their intention is scientific, then Henry is part of one large experiment, confirming the ant-like smallness of the human species.

“Or the time Adrian nearly caught us making out behind the English building. Marcus shoved me to the ground to cover, and I skinned my palm. We had quite a few close calls, but I thought Marcus liked the thrill. I never once wondered if he was hoping we’d be caught.”

This conversation with Marcus is a pivotal moment in Marcus’s character development and articulates Hutchinson’s theme on LGBTQ+ identity. Marcus is antagonistic and cruel to Henry, but here it is revealed that his bullying of Henry is directly related to Marcus’s insecurities around his sexuality. Marcus struggles to accept his sexuality, and he is anxious to both hide his sexuality and have it be revealed so that he doesn’t have to hide it anymore. In juxtaposition with this fear, Henry is comfortable with his sexuality and doesn’t mind that people know he is gay. This quote humanizes Marcus by revealing deep insecurity motivated by society's expectations of Marcus’s masculinity.

“Charlie looked like he was chewing a lemon, Mom’s smile looked painful, and I’m pretty sure the only reason I was smiling was because I was imagining pushing both of them out of an airplane without parachutes.”

This quote is an example of dark humor. Hutchinson uses Henry’s dark humor throughout the novel as both comedic relief and a way for Henry to deal with the complex challenges of life. Henry can hide some of his fears behind humor, but the humor itself actually reveals the depth of Henry’s anxieties.

“We’re not words, Henry, we’re people. Words are how others define us, but we can define ourselves any way we choose.”

Diego’s belief that he doesn’t have to be defined by his past directly juxtaposes Henry’s obsession with the past. Diego enjoys his present because he has hope for his future. This quote captures Hutchinson’s message that it is up to each individual to make the future what they want it to be and that the external influence of other people’s anxieties or judgments must be ignored for individuals to live authentically and freely.

“Sometimes when a star collapses, it becomes a fiery supernova, but other times the core density is so great that it quietly consumes itself, forming a black hole, its gravitational pull so terrible that nothing can escape, not even light. You can’t see a black hole, but if you look closely, you can witness its effect on those objects nearest to it—the way it changes the orbits of solar systems or draws off a star’s light a little at a time, sucking it down to its dense center.”

This quote uses stars to symbolize how the universe and (metaphorically) people are interconnected. This quote highlights Jesse’s death by suicide as the fiery supernova. Just as the supernova creates a black hole whose gravitational pull negatively impacts the cosmos around it, so too does Jesse’s death by suicide have a ripple effect that destroys the lives of many people around him. Jesse’s parents, Audrey, and Henry are all pulled into the black hole of Jesse’s death because they are doomed to live and therefore wonder what life will be like without Jesse and why Jesse took his own life.

“Only, it wasn’t fate. It wasn’t destiny. And it certainly wasn’t God. It was chance. A random series of events given meaning by someone desperate to prove there’s a design to our lives. That the minutes and hours between our birth and death are more than frantic moments of chaos. Because if that’s all they are—if there are no rules governing our lives—then our entire existence is a meaningless farce. If Jesse didn’t have a reason for hanging himself, then his death was pointless. And if Jesse died for nothing, how can I live for anything?”

Henry is undergoing an existential search for meaning. He sees patterns in human behavior as indicative of a nihilistic desire to make sense of the world around them. Henry believes that there isn’t God, fate, or destiny and that the point of his nihilism lies in the idea that if there is no reason for something bad to happen, like Jesse’s death, then there is also no reason for life. Rather than be freed by this idea—that a meaningless life could mean that people live for joy and love—Henry is depressed by the idea. He believes that Jesse’s meaningless death means that there is no way to live for something like an ideal or the hope of the future.

“Jesse was in the dream too. He was lecturing me on the impermanence of memory. Most of the words jumbled together because I was busy having my body parts rearranged, but I remembered him telling me that memories are often amalgams of truth and fiction, sewn together in our heads by our subconscious to support our personal beliefs about the world.”

In this quote, the voice of Jesse, which Henry often hears, returns to guide Henry on the untrustworthiness of memory. This is notable because Jesse’s voice in Henry’s mind is usually antagonistic, while here, Jesse’s voice encourages Henry to analyze his memories as projections and not wholly reality. Henry indeed looks back into his memories to support his personal beliefs about the world, highlighting Henry’s character development in better understanding how to move past Jesse’s death and past pains.

“My memories of my father are all jumbled together. They say when we recall a memory, we’re actually calling up the last time we remembered it, and I’m not sure I can trust that my anger at him for leaving hasn’t tainted those memories. I tried to think back to the last few months he lived with us. Had he been stressed? More distant? If he’d stayed, would my life have turned out differently? Would I hate him more than I hated him for leaving us?”

In developing a mistrust of his memories, Henry is learning how to let go of the past as a series of memories that project our present, thus allowing Henry to move on from the past and look towards the future. One of Henry’s major unfinished conflicts is the abandonment of his father, who left the family without an explanation and disappeared into their past. Henry recognizes that his primary feeling about his father is anger; acknowledging this helps Henry take the blame off of himself and redirect blame to his father, the perpetrator of the pain.

“This was how Diego saw me. I was Henry Denton and I was Space Boy. I was broken and I was beautiful. I was nothing and I was everything. I didn’t matter to the universe, but I mattered to him. The person in that painting would have pressed the button. The person in that painting with the steel bones and legions in his skull would have saved Jesse. The person in that painting would have fought back in the showers, he would have told the police who had attacked him. The person in that painting wasn’t real.”

This quote emphasizes the incohesive gap between how people perceive themselves and how others perceive them. Henry’s lack of self-esteem makes him believe that he is not beautiful, not brave, and not worthy of life. Diego’s love for Henry makes him see Henry as the opposite of how Henry sees himself. Seeing the truth of Diego’s perceptions of Henry makes Henry double down on his self-flagellations, highlighting that Henry doesn’t believe he is worthy of love. This quote and conflict demonstrate Hutchinson’s message about the importance of trusting in others and believing in oneself.

“Jesse’s still dead, Diego might end up back in juvie. The world pretty much sucks. But the bad shit that happens doesn’t cancel out the good. I mean, a world with people like you in it can’t be totally crap, right?”

This quote captures the full circle of Henry’s character development. He has learned how to appreciate the good over the bad in the world without repressing the bad. In understanding how to love life through his love for people like Zooey, whom he is talking to in this quote, Henry achieves his character development of appreciating life because of people, not pain.

“I’d imagined dozens of ways the world could end, but I still wasn’t any closer to an answer. I watched the sky and wondered where the sluggers were. Why they hadn’t given me another opportunity to press the button and whether they were ever real at all. I didn’t know if the world was going to end tomorrow, nor did I care.”

Another example of Henry’s character development is his acceptance that there are certain things in life that he can’t answer or explain. Here, he acknowledges that he doesn’t know how the world will end, and that’s okay. This is paralleled rhetorically to his acceptance that he can’t and won’t know why Jesse took his own life, but that’s okay too. In not caring if the world will end or not, Henry adapts his nihilism into a free existentialist thought in which he is not in control over what happens to the world, so he should simply try to appreciate life while he still has it.

“A hundred billion years from now, no one will exist who remembers we were space boys or chronic-masturbating alcoholics or science teachers or ex-cons or valedictorians. When we’re gone, time will forget whether we swapped spit with strangers. It will forget we ever existed. And it doesn’t matter. We remember the past, live in the present, and write the future.”

Henry lets go of society's expectations, reputations, and the pressures of not fitting in. He recognizes that the problems humans worry over don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. While this used to stress Henry into anxiety and depression, now he finds it liberating. This quote highlights both Henry’s character development and Hutchinson’s point that we can only live for our present because not mattering in the universe means appreciating the lives we have.