We Are Okay

We Are Okay is the story of an 18-year-old girl, Marin’s, experience with grief, loss, and sadness. Marin’s mother dies in a surfing accident when she’s almost 3; she is raised near that same beach in San Francisco by her grandfather, Gramps. The narrative is divided between Marin’s present in New York and her past in California. The present-day events occur in December during the winter break of Marin’s first year in college; the past events cover the summer before Marin’s grandfather disappears and is presumed to have drowned. After Marin’s grandfather dies, she flees to New York without talking to anyone or retrieving any of her possessions from their house. For months, she refuses to respond to or contact any of the people from her life in California. The book’s present narrative covers 3-5 days during winter break, when Marin’s best friend and former girlfriend, Mabel, is coming to visit; the visit marks their first communication in four months.

Over the course of Mabel’s visit, the flashbacks reveal the state of Marin’s former life and the shocking truths that emerged after her grandfather’s disappearance, all of which helps to explain the depths of Marin’s grief. Though her grandfather cared deeply for Marin and provided a good life, it becomes clear that the loss of his wife and daughter irrevocably changed him. Gramps suffered from an unknown mental illness; he was hospitalized once for it when Marin was a child and, toward the end of his life, was behaving oddly with angry outbursts and paranoia. Along with the mental health problems, Gramps was also coughing up blood and seemed weak, suggesting his physical health was also fragile. For many years, Gramps had a pen pal named Birdie with whom he exchanged frequent letters. After his disappearance, Marin discovers that Birdie is her late mother and that Gramps has been writing letters both to and from her for years, either pretending they were real or delusional enough to believe it. He had hoarded Birdie’s possessions and photographs but had never shared any of them with Marin. This is a massive betrayal, as Marin had long struggled to recall even a single memory of her mother and believed there were no remaining pictures of herself as a baby or with her mother.

During Mabel’s visit, Marin is able to open up and reconnect with her friend, allowing her to begin the process of healing. Though talking is at first difficult, Mabel persists, and Marin tells her friend more of her secrets and fears. Mabel tells Marin that her parents want to unofficially adopt Marin; they’ve prepared her a bedroom of her own and want to be her new home for school holidays and beyond. Marin, deep in grief and loneliness, is unable to accept this offer, though she grows to want to accept it as the days pass. After three days, she says goodbye to Mabel, her healing coming along enough that she’s able to call one of Gramps’s friends to check in. Hours after Mabel has left, she reappears at the dorm with her parents. With Marin unable to say yes to returning home, they have come to her and brought Christmas with them. Their loving presence and sincere desire to have her as a daughter allows Marin to reach a sort of catharsis and, as a result, she is finally able to remember a moment with her mother.

The novel explores themes of grief, loss, and loneliness and follows Marin’s journey from depression and disassociation to her first healing moments.