We All Want Impossible Things

We All Want Impossible Things is a 2022 novel by Catherine Newman about a woman named Ash who cares for her terminally ill friend, Edi, in her final days. The novel is equal parts character study of Ash, whose thoughts and inner monologue make up large parts of the narrative, and a reflection on mortality, grieving, and friendship. Newman’s own experience of losing a dear friend to terminal illness inspired the basic premise of the story. The novel was published to largely positive reviews, though its detractors criticized it as an unrealistic case of wish fulfillment.

This study guide refers to the 2022 HarperCollins e-book edition.

Content Warning: The source material features depictions of terminal illness, death, grieving, and drug use, which this guide discusses.

Plot Summary

Protagonist Ash’s best friend, Edi, has a terminal illness and has been told she has only weeks to live. She is staying in a hospice care center called Graceful Shepherd, which is within walking distance of Ash’s home. Normally Edi lives in Brooklyn, but with no fitting hospice care centers nearby, she chose to enter one near Ash so she could spend her final days with her best friend. Now Ash spends most of her time with Edi at “Shapely,” their nickname for the center.

Ash is at a crossroads in her life. Her older daughter, Jules, is away at college, and her younger daughter, Belle, is a self-sufficient junior in high school. She is technically married but has split from her husband, Honey, due to her infidelity. As she grapples with the impending death of her best friend, she searches for connection in the form of sexual encounters with Edi’s doctor, Edi’s brother Jonah, and others.

Meanwhile Edi is going through her own grieving process. She is especially sad to leave behind her son Dash, and she is angry with Ash for deliberating sabotaging the life she had with Honey and her family—the life Edi will no longer get to have. When Ash talks to Belle, she realizes that her daughter is hurting from the separation and begins reflecting on a number of her choices.

Edi continues to slowly deteriorate at the hospice center. When Edi begins to demonstrate some behavioral changes, her doctor adjusts her medicine to help manage her pain. Meanwhile she is cared for by Ash, the hospice staff, and a rotating cast of friends and family, most notably her brother Jonah. Ash and Edi spend their time reminiscing about childhood and their experiences growing up together. They also struggle with the question of death and the afterlife. As other residents of the hospice center die, Edi’s friends reflect on their own mortality and Edi’s impending death.

Edi’s mental capacities slowly slip away, but she takes advantage of the times when she feels clear-headed and lucid to achieve important tasks. One day she dictates a letter to Ash for her son Dash, telling him everything she can think of and trying to give him advice for the years to come. Another time she scolds Ash for continuing to make self-destructive choices in her life, telling her that she should embrace Honey’s love and settle down.

Edi’s health begins to deteriorate rapidly, and Ash tells Edi’s loved ones that they should come see Edi before she passes away. Many family and friends come to see Edi in her final days, most importantly her husband, Jude (though he has left their son behind in New York). While everyone is visiting, Edi enters the final stage in her illness and dies suddenly. Ash and the rest of Edi’s loved ones return to Ash’s house to reminisce and grieve together, and later that week they all reconvene in Brooklyn for Edi’s funeral service. Ash gives the final eulogy, laughing and crying at the same time, finally coming to peace about the loss of her lifelong friend. At the wake, she and Honey reconcile, deciding that they can’t bear to live without one another. After returning to her own home, Ash begins to live a more peaceful life, and the novel ends with Ash recalling a recent dream in which Edi returned to tell her that everything was going to be okay, and that she was doing the best she could.