Ugly Love

Despite their anger towards Miles, Miles’s dad and Lisa love Clayton: “Clayton fixes families” (266). Ian comes to visit Miles. He tells Rachel about how Miles said he wanted her to have his babies the day they first met. Miles feels like his family is perfect.

The couple leaves the hospital, and Rachel rides in the backseat with Clayton. The oncoming traffic is so bright that Miles loses visibility, and they crash into a lake. Miles’s life flashes before his eyes as he escapes the car. Rachel and Clayton are trapped. Rachel demands he save Clayton, but Miles can’t save them both: “Everything is water” (269). He kicks in the window and manages to get Rachel out, but it’s too late. Clayton dies. Rachel and Miles cry, and Miles believes he’s “ruined” Rachel and by extension their family. He sees only water when he looks at her and believes she’ll never be able to love him after his failure.

Tate tries to comfort Miles and has sex with him to help him through his pain. During sex, he calls Tate “Rachel,” and he apologizes. Tate feels awful. She tells him to “just finish,” and their sex is “intense,” “devastating,” and “ugly.” When he finishes, Tate’s heart breaks as she realizes it’s over for good. Miles tries to talk to her, but she rushes away and collapses in the hall outside his door, crying.

After the accident, Rachel and Miles move back with their parents. Miles holds her every night and tells her he is so sorry. They kiss and have sex, but Rachel is crying. He wants to stop, but she tells him to “finish.” Later, she leaves him a letter that says she can’t stay with him. She knows she shouldn’t blame Miles for what happened, but all she can see is Clayton’s face when she looks at him. When Rachel leaves, Miles vows to never love again because it’s too painful.

Corbin finishes helping Tate move into her new apartment. She hasn’t talked to Miles in a week. On her last trip out, she knocks on his door, and Ian answers. Ian gets Miles, who comes to the door. Tate tells him goodbye. He doesn’t show any emotion and says a simple goodbye back. Tate regrets knocking on his door.

In the present day, Miles describes the moment Tate leaves and how hard he tried to fight his emotions. He knows why she came to say goodbye. Ian confronts Miles for being a jerk to her. He presses Miles about Rachel, and Miles gets angry and defensive. Ian refuses to leave or bend to Miles and makes him answer a question: “If someone told you they could get rid of the ugly stuff, but you’d lose all the other stuff, too…would you do it?” (290). Miles doesn’t want to answer, but Ian calls him out. Before Miles met Tate, he would’ve said “yes” and done anything to erase his pain.

Miles goes downstairs, and Cap is disappointed Miles let Tate go. He remarks that age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Miles defends himself again, saying it had to end. Miles knows Cap well and talks to him often, but he never shared this with Tate. Cap encourages Miles to see Rachel and get closure—to see if she’s okay and has moved on. If she has, maybe Miles can move on too. Miles is afraid Rachel isn’t okay, but Cap says if she isn’t, Miles can go on being miserable like he is now. Cap tells Miles he can’t continue to avoid having feelings because it’s frightening.

Rachel is living with her husband, Brad, and has a daughter, Claire. She has a heart-to-heart talk with Miles and tells him she understands exactly how he’s feeling and that she thought she’d never love again until she met Brad. Rachel can tell Miles loves someone new and encourages him to be with her. Rachel tells him that the pain is always there, but instead of consuming her entire life, it’s just little moments; this beautiful, happy family she has is her new life. Miles confesses to Rachel that he has so much he wants to share with Tate now. He tells Rachel he is proud of her, and she tells him that she is proud of him.

Tate has been living in her new apartment for two weeks. She walks up to her room when she spies Miles waiting in front of her door. He’s been waiting for her for six hours and asks to use her bathroom. She lets him in and thinks the whole situation is very strange. She can tell something is different with him. He tells her he missed her and finally opens up to her. He tells her about his son, but not all the details yet. He still needs time, but he promises to be honest with her.

They kiss, but Miles wants to keep talking. He answers all the questions Tate has ever asked him, even the ones he originally refused to answer. He tells her the night she found him in the hallway would’ve been his son’s sixth birthday. He apologizes for being so slow to accept his emotions. Tate asks how he knew where she lived. He explains he asked Corbin and got punched in the face, but Corbin has one rule for him: He can’t break Tate’s heart.

Miles wakes Tate up early and takes her and Cap to the airport. He flies with Tate and Cap, who has never been in a plane before, to see the sun rise. This is something Tate had asked about on their Thanksgiving trip. Miles helps Cap out of the plane, and Miles tells Tate they’re not finished yet. He gives her a little black box. It’s a key to his apartment. He wants her to move in with him. She accepts, and he hands her another box with an engagement ring. He proposes to her, and she accepts. They make love in the airplane. Miles thinks about how he doesn’t relate to the idea of loving someone to death with Tate: “She loved [him] back to life” (318).

The Epilogue takes place about two years later. Miles and Tate are married and have their first child, a girl named Sam after Cap’s real name, Samuel. Miles is afraid to look at his daughter. He’s worried he won’t be able to feel the same way about her as he did about Clayton. He’s fearful that he is still broken, but Tate encourages Miles to trust himself. He takes his daughter in his arms and realizes he was wrong. He loves her so much, and now he has a family. He accepts the pain he’s endured because he can still experience moments like these: “It’s the beautiful moments like these that make up for the ugly love” (322).