Tweak: Growing Up On Methamphetamines

Zelda is an older woman Nic meets at a treatment program. He becomes romantically involved and thoroughly obsessed with her. She is a celebrity in Los Angeles and a figure on the Hollywood scene, known for being the ex-wife of a famous actor. She is a drug addict traumatized by her childhood, particularly the violent suicide of her mother, a heroin addict. Nic is obsessed with Zelda for a variety of reasons. On one hand, she represents his distant and emotionally unavailable mother. Her sadness makes her more beautiful to him, because he aspires to rescue her. She is also particularly exciting because of her celebrity status in Los Angeles. Through association with her, Nic feels validated and worthy. Zelda lies often throughout the narrative, and Nic portrays her as selfish. Initially, she lies to her boyfriend about having an affair with Nic. When she and Nic reconnect, she lies to Nic about being sober and leads him to relapse after more than a year of sobriety. She is both a tragic figure and a villain throughout the memoir. 

Spencer is Nic’s sponsor in the 12-step program. As a former cocaine addict, he is wholeheartedly devoted to the program and to the higher power that brought him out of his addiction and blessed him with a new life. Spencer believes fervently in praying, positive thinking, and helping others. He is a kind and patient mentor to Nic, although Nic occasionally resents him for being overbearing and strict. When Nic contacts him after his relapse in San Francisco, Spencer light-heartedly and humorously convinces him to return to Los Angeles, picking him up from the airport and taking care of him during his detox. Spencer also opens up his home to Nic, bringing him over for dinner and letting him housesit and babysit. He entrusts Nic with his house and daughter while he is ill in the hospital with meningitis. Spencer also lends Nic money, helps him find work, and encourages him to get in touch with his family. Their bond weakens when Nic becomes involved with Zelda again. Spencer warns him against this, and Nic resents him for it, ultimately switching sponsors. Despite this, Spencer tells Nic that he will always be his friend, and he shows up to help during his final drug-induced breakdown. 

Nic’s father is a prominent figure in his life and a prominent figure throughout the memoir. Nic father is heartbroken about his son’s addiction and recognizes that he may have contributed to it in a variety of ways. Despite this, Nic portrays his father as a protective and nurturing figure who takes Nic to arts galleries, museums, and coffee shops. Nic considers him a hero and appreciates that he exposed him to so many wonderful things as a child. Nevertheless, Nic writes that he “sort of missed my own childhood” (139). When his father meets Karen, remarries, and starts a new family, Nic feels cast aside. His father reforms his behavior and treats his two young children properly, making Nic feel like an old mistake. Nic admits that he sometimes feels competitive with his father and wants to be better than him despite his admiration.

Despite feeling some responsibility for Nic’s addiction, his father admits to pulling away from Nic and shutting him out because of Nic’s repeated relapses. He tells Nic that he must look after his family and protect them, and he must remain skeptical of Nic’s commitment to sobriety. Though he refuses to help Nic with money, he does pay for his therapy and forces him into treatment. He also consents to group therapy with Nic and his ex-wife.  

Nic’s mother is less of a prominent figure in the memoir than Nic’s father. Rather than expressing admiration towards his mother, Nic sees her as a distant and unreachable figure. She is a journalist like Nic’s father and works in entertainment news in Los Angeles. She and Nic’s father separate when he is young, and she leaves Nic to live with his father and moves away to Los Angeles. When Nic does see her, he is forced to spend time with his abusive and intimidating stepfather. For those reasons, Nic aspires to both save his mother and feels her absence. He transfers these feelings to his romantic relationships, seeking out unavailable and tragic older women. When Nic is sober, he reconnects with his mother and they meet for lunches and go to movie premieres. When he relapses, his mother refuses to give him money but tries to confront him and get him away from Zelda. She even notifies Zelda’s father of her relapse. She and Nic’s father team up to get Nic into treatment after his breakdown and relapse in her garage. In group therapy, she openly recognizes her part in Nic’s problems and his addiction. 

Karen is Nic’s stepmom. She marries Nic’s dad when Nic is eight years old. Nic respects Karen immensely “as a person, as a parent to me, as an artist” (33). He writes that, “I also really loved Karen. I mean that profoundly. In many ways I idolized her” (197). When he runs into her after a relapse, he is so ashamed that he embarks on a car chase just to avoid her. Nic notes that he not only wanted Karen’s respect but also wanted her to like him as much as he liked her. However, Karen also intimidates him. On a family vacation, he realizes that he is most scared of seeing her again, particularly after their car chase. He notes that she is less forgiving and intent on shielding his stepsiblings from him and his addiction. On some level, Nic resents Karen for altering his relationship with his father. Before she and his father got married, his father treated him like a grown-up and took him everywhere, including parties. After he began to date Karen, Nic’s life became a lot more conventional, and he began to feel that his father saw him as a mistake. 

Lauren and Nic were romantically involved in high school and run into each other again in their early 20s in San Francisco. Lauren went to rehab for cocaine addiction and bulimia after finishing high school. Since then, she has been through a variety of treatment programs and centers. Nic describes her as unbalanced. When their paths cross again, Lauren is four months sober. The pair decide to relapse together and Lauren invites Nic to stay with her at her parents’ luxurious house. The two become romantically involved again, and Nic provides Lauren with drugs. Lauren develops serious feelings for Nic and plans for a future with him, even suggesting that they have a baby. Nic, however, admits to only using Lauren for her living situation. When Lauren overdoses, Nic saves her life, but he regrets taking her to the hospital because it prompts the return to her concerned parents. Lauren’s parents do everything they can to get both Nic and Lauren into a treatment program. When Nic decides to return to Los Angeles instead, Lauren is hurt and angry. She tells Nic that she wishes she had never met him and that he ruined her life. However, when Nic calls her months later in the middle of considering another relapse, she is surprised but pleased, telling him that she misses him and inviting him to live with her in San Francisco. When he later tells her that he will not return, she approves and tells him that his safety is the most important thing.