30 pages • 1 hour read
To Hell with Dying
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Themes
The Purity of Love in Youth
As a young adult of 24, the narrator looks at Mr. Sweet in the immediate wake of his death, and, as her final words of the story, sees him as her “first love” (Paragraph 21). The tone and reflective positionality of the story’s narration help illustrate the emotional impact on the narrator as both a child and an adult, but it also helps contrast her view of Mr. Sweet in the different stages of her life. Despite his drunkenness and bouts of depression, the narrator maintains a positive and admiring attitude toward Mr. Sweet because of the joy he brought her; but she’s aware that her wholly affectionate perception of Mr. Sweet is due partially to childhood innocence. The flaws or struggles he carried are referred to passingly or even positively when the narrator discusses her younger memories; meanwhile, as she ages, she utilizes more mature language and begins to accept the reality of death. In this way, Walker makes a point about how youthful innocence allows for the development of a fuller, more forgiving sense of love, and though the love doesn’t necessarily leave, the innocence is lost in adulthood.
The relationship between the narrator, a child, and Mr. Sweet, an older adult, is based in concepts of kinship and community as opposed to blood relation or romance, which is contrary to common cultural understandings of love. Romantic love specifically is associated with emotional and physical intimacy, but the two protagonists interact with one another in a manner that embodies this intimacy without romantic or sexual overtones. This occurs through tickling, nicknames like “princess,” and stroking the other’s hair, and it exhibits a pure love arising from childhood innocence. Their respective youthful and elderly perspectives portray a love with unadulterated intimacy based on admiration and softness. The narrator remembers how she was the “chosen one to kiss him and tickle him long before I knew the rite of Mr. Sweet” (Paragraph 7), encouraged by her parents and neighborhood to develop their bond and improve his mood with her easy joy and affection. The compassion between the narrator and Mr. Sweet endures his depression and lingers after his death, as shown through the symbol of his guitar, which retains his “magic” after being passed on to the narrator.
The value—and impermanence—of childhood innocence and loving relationships is made clear as the narrator grows up. As she ages, she gains more knowledge of Mr. Sweet’s life, his limitations, and the psychological and physical effects of his depression and drunkenness. At the beginning, the narrator recalls her memory of the first “revival” at the age of seven years old as an experience that “upset [her] fearfully,” and remarks that the pressure “made [her] very nervous” (Paragraph 9). The language used to describe the event showcases youth and naivety, which is emphasized when she argues the doctor’s claim that Mr. Sweet is “implacable” despite not knowing what the word means. The narrator begins the story convinced that Mr. Sweet could avoid his death suggesting it “was not necessarily the last one unless Mr. Sweet really wanted it to be” (Paragraph 1), making a game of the “revivals” through kissing and tickling him all over. Later, this naivety is lost slightly as she sees the effects of his stroke; still, she does not admit to the finality of death, convinced she is still able to cure him. The innocence in her understanding of mortality allows her to be cheerful enough to revive Mr. Sweet, and her inability to notice his flaws allows their relationship to flourish.
The stronger change in tone occurs in the second half of the story. As a child, she had found his drunkenness entertaining, making him an “ideal playmate.” As she grows, it’s clear that his alcoholism has limited and harmed him. Instead of referring to Mr. Sweet’s episodes of depression as crying or melancholia, she uses a more mature description, referring to her concern over his “health and psychological wellbeing” (Paragraph 16). The loss of innocence is told on one of the last pages: “It did not occur to us that we were doing anything special […]. We thought nothing of triumphing over [death] so many times” (Paragraph 15). On her final visit to Mr. Sweet, the narrator comments on her parents looking “old and frail” (Paragraph 19), addressing her final loss of innocence and acknowledgement of mortality. This is reaffirmed by her father, who, instead of calling “the children” upon his initiation, refers to her as “my daughter” (Paragraph 19). Though the ending is more positive than anything, with the narrator holding on to Mr. Sweet’s memory by inheriting his guitar, this scene signals an end to the revivals, as her innocence is lost in adulthood.
Gender Roles and Emotional Labor in Families
Most of the characters and dynamics in the story exemplify traditional gender roles. This is partially because everyone except for the narrator and Mr. Sweet are background characters, and the only other character with dialogue is the father. Unlike the mother and brother, the father speaks and does so authoritatively. He talks over the narrator’s mother and even “pushes aside” Mr. Sweet’s wife, Mrs. Mary, in the early revivals to create space for himself. He is not emotionally available like Mr. Sweet, and he is not depicted as having as close a relationship with his children as they have with their neighbor. Even when acting out of a sense of kindness or community, his patriarchal role in the family dynamic shines through. These examples of authority and emotional distance relate to common representations of masculinity at the time, and they make him a foil to Mr. Sweet, who is gentle, vulnerable, and deferential. The brother, on the other hand, fulfils the role of caretaker before the events of the story, as he performed his own revivals before the narrator took on the responsibility. The brother tries to emulate Mr. Sweet and has a positive, loving relationship with him as a child; however, in adulthood, his is only mentioned as being away in the war. Meanwhile, even as an adult, the narrator is left feeling a sense of responsibility for Mr. Sweet’s death.
Even though she remembers her relationship with Mr. Sweet fondly, the responsibility she held from childhood in supporting and caring for someone can be classified as emotional labor. This term refers to when a person has to perform notable mental or emotional tasks in order to maintain the functioning of a household or community, and it has disproportionately impacted women historically due to traditional gender roles within the home. When Mr. Sweet is sad and crying, the narrator, a child at the time, comforts him in a mothering way, and he appreciates her “holding his woolly head in her arms” (Paragraph 7). The child assumes the role of the caring adult, and Mr. Sweet is infantilized through being coddled in her arms. She expresses a wish that she “could have been the woman he loved so much” (Paragraph 8), implicatively so that she could’ve always been around to care for him. While this urge is kind, it embodies a tradition of placing the emotional burden of loved ones on women from a young age. While her brother plays Mr. Sweet’s guitar, hoping to accomplish something like his musical abilities, the narrator only cares for him physically and emotionally. When he dies, she asks herself, “Even at twenty-four how could I believe that I had failed?” (Paragraph 20). This guilt reflects the fact that she carried the responsibility for his well-being into adulthood.
Nonetheless, the gender roles are reversed when the narrator inherits Mr. Sweet’s guitar. Though the brother had been the one to try to emulate Mr. Sweet, it is the narrator who has truly accomplished what Mr. Sweet wanted—she becomes educated and moves beyond her limited hometown. Ultimately, the relationship is a positive one that clearly impacts the narrator for the rest of her life, and it offers an example of pure, innocent childhood love, but it also raises the question of why a young girl was responsible for saving a grown man from emotional despair when others—including a supportive, strong-willed adult man—were also around.
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By Alice Walker
