54 pages • 1 hour read
Nell’s period tracking app says she is neither ovulating nor scheduled to menstruate. Despite using contraceptives and having protected sex, Nell becomes paranoid. While cooking, she reflects on how she feels out of control and frustrated with her body and relationship with Felim. She imagines that she is pregnant with Felim’s phantom baby.
Nell writes a post about sperm, which validates her feelings. She conceptualizes a short story about men experiencing the same kind of stigmatizing behavior women experience after they first menstruate. Later, Nell awakes to her menstruation, which stains her bedsheets.
A drunken Felim visits one evening and tries to take pictures of Nell. Nell initially refuses but changes her mind. She performs oral sex on him and starts wondering about the pictures of other girls on his phone. He takes one more picture of her after they finish and then asks her what their relationship is. The question stuns Nell. Then he calls her “babe,” which he has never done before. Nell thinks most people see her as dispensable.
Nell tries to distract herself, but she can’t stop thinking of Felim. She takes pictures of herself for him but never sends them. She remembers how Felim broke things off with her after calling her “babe.
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By Anne Enright