The Way I Used to Be

The Way I Used to Be is a YA novel written by author Amber Smith. The book, published in 2016, is a New York Times bestseller. Smith, an advocate for spreading awareness about issues related to gendered violence, tackles themes of sexual and domestic abuse in her young adult novels. The Way I Used to Be follows Eden McCrorey, a teenager who is raped by her older brother’s best friend, Kevin. The novel is divided into four parts, with each part corresponding to a single year in high school—beginning with her freshman year immediately after she is raped and concluding with her senior year. Over that four-year period, the narrative shows the ways in which Eden is transformed—and damaged—by her traumatic experience.

The first part, “Freshman Year,” deals with the immediate aftermath of Eden’s sexual assault. A “band-geek” who is mocked by her peers, Eden forms the Lunch-Break Book Club with her friends Mara, Stephen, and Cameron so that they have an excuse to avoid bullies during their lunch period. At the end of Part 1, Edy’s personality begins to change: She is no longer the “good girl” she used to be.