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It is Cora Hamed’s 12th birthday. Cora loves math because it is logical and makes sense to her. Cora goes to Pete’s, a local pizza shop, with her grandmother, Grams, and her father to celebrate. This is a family tradition, although it feels different without Cora’s older sister, Mabel, who was killed the previous school year. Cora thinks about how certain numbers are added to make 12 and how she will eventually be older than Mabel. Mabel was 14 years old when she died.
Quinn McCauley, the girl who lives next door, leaves a present for Cora on their stoop. Cora is no longer friends with Quinn. Cora’s father urges Cora to remain friendly with Quinn, but Cora is reluctant. She privately suspects that her sister, Mabel, would have expected her to hold a grudge against the McCauley family.
In a note to her brother, Parker, Quinn remembers a time Parker cried after helping her down from a tree. Quinn reflects that she hasn’t heard back from Cora about the box that she left on her stoop three days earlier on Cora’s birthday.
At school, Quinn goes to the library, a place where she spends a lot of her time. She no longer has friends at school after what happened last November.
Quinn scans the internet for information on her theory; she hopes that she can turn back time to before last November and change the course of events. In a scientific article, she sees the word “possible” in relation to time travel and she feels thrilled and excited (27).
Cora spends time with her friends Owen and Mia. They practice for Junior Quiz Bowl, a highly competitive trivia game that is played in teams. Cora has romantic feelings for Owen, and she suspects that Mia knows. Owen asks Cora how her birthday went, and Cora thinks about how the three of them became friends in second grade. She remembers feeling special that Owen shared his Japanese name, Daisuke, with her.
On their way out of the school, Cora, Owen, and Mia spot Quinn standing in front of Cora’s locker. Quinn talks to Cora, saying that she has found a way to fix things through time travel. Cora curtly tells her that nothing can be fixed and leaves with Mia and Owen.
In a note to her brother, Parker, Quinn reveals that their parents are always fighting, mostly about whose fault it was that Parker did what he did. Quinn’s mother blames Quinn’s father for his gun collection. Quinn blames herself. She writes in her note that she was the only one who “saw [Parker]. [She] should have said something, but [she] didn’t” (45).
Quinn takes a shortcut through the woods to reach her home after school because she finds the woods calming. Quinn has learned that wormholes to the past are more likely to appear in ancient places with history and she feels that the woods are an ancient place. Quinn remembers a time that she climbed a tree too high, and her brother climbed up to help her down. She visits the tree and tells the forest that she’s not okay.
Cora does her math homework while her father makes dinner. Grams encourages Cora to open the box from Quinn. They argue about it for a while until Cora relents, going upstairs to open the box.
Quinn tells her brother, in a letter, that she keeps asking the same questions because she is unsatisfied with the answers. Quinn’s mother is making a complex dinner, as she tends to do since she quit her job. Her mom requests that she taste her cooking, and Quinn assures her that the sauce she is making is delicious. Quinn’s father is spending long hours at his job. Quinn tells her mother that school was fine, hoping to assure her mother that she doesn’t need to worry about her.
Mia invites Cora to stay after school with her and Owen as they research trivia facts for Quiz Bowl. Cora says that she would, but that she can’t stay after school that day. Privately, she reflects that she is not staying because she wants to talk to Quinn. She finds Quinn on the sidewalk outside the athletic fields and they chat about the contents of the box: articles on time travel. Cora says that more research needs to be conducted because the articles are more like summaries. Quinn smiles, interpreting this as Cora’s agreement to be involved in the project. Cora clarifies that she shouldn’t be talking to Quinn. Cora is shocked when Quinn asks, “Because of what Parker did? Because he’s the reason Mabel’s dead?” (72). Cora reflects that people usually talk about Mabel more euphemistically, instead of voicing what really happened to her. When Cora agrees, Quinn clarifies that they don’t have to be friends. Quinn says that Cora would be helping her save Mabel, rather than demonstrating friendship toward Quinn. As Cora tries to make up her mind, Quinn asks to show her something.
In a letter to her brother, Quinn tells Parker that Cupcake, their cat, misses him. Quinn leads Cora into the woods. Cora asks where they are going, Quinn explains that she wants to show her a place she’s found that would be good for the time machine. Cora says that time machines are not practical and that most of the articles referenced wormholes. Quinn clarifies that a time machine is a way to find a wormhole. Quinn leads Cora a big oak tree where she thinks the bark has a knot that looks like an eyeball and its branches spread out in every direction. She explains that she feels that it could be a wormhole. Cora begins describing a plan to explore the idea scientifically. Quinn’s mind wanders as she imagines seeing her brother again. The girls look up as a flock of birds flies overhead, and Cora begins sharing facts about how humans are trained to hear birds because they lead humans to water, and how humans naturally favor life. Suddenly, Cora starts crying. She leaves quickly, telling Quinn that she can’t be involved in the plan, and that the plan is insane.
Grief and Guilt After the Loss of A Sibling is introduced as an important theme in these opening chapters. Cora and Quinn struggle with overwhelming feelings of grief from the deaths of Mabel and Parker, respectively. Mabel was Cora’s “favorite person in the entire world” (16). Cora feels an immense sense of loss and grieves her sister’s shocking and premature death. Reminders of Mabel are everywhere in the family home; when Cora thinks of the unfinished sweater that Grams was making for Mabel, “it makes [her] want to cry” (53). When Cora discusses the possibility of finding a wormhole with Quinn in the woods, Quinn observes that Cora is suddenly overcome with grief: “She hunches over, grasping her backpack straps. She makes a sucking sound with her mouth. I know that sound. It’s the vacuuming of tears, the desperate suctioning-up of salt and sadness” (88).
Quinn’s familiarity with and understanding of Cora’s grief-stricken tears illustrates Quinn’s own grief and loss. Quinn’s sense of loss is complicated by the horrific actions committed by Parker before he died, exemplified by her feeling that “[her] brother doesn’t deserve to be saved after what he did, but [she] can’t help wanting to save him anyway” (47). Quinn’s confusion is also clear in her constant letters to Parker. She grapples to understand his monstrous actions but also misses him, writing, “I keep asking myself all the same questions about you” (59). Quinn’s cognitive dissonance is clear. She struggles to rectify her happy or even ordinary memories with her brother with the way he died. She remembers him crying when she climbed too high in a tree, fearful for her safety, and then helping her down. This kind and compassionate act contradicts his actions just before his death.
Quinn’s grief is also exacerbated by her isolation. She observes: “I used to have other friends” (24). After the shooting though, she notices: “none of those kids talk to me. They talk about me, sure. But they don’t talk to me” (25). Jasmine Warga demonstrates that human connection is essential to overcome immense grief as Quinn is stuck in her feelings of loss and grief until she reconnects with Cora.
As well as dealing with feelings of grief and loss, both girls must grapple with the challenges of guilt. This emotion has immense impacts on both girls’ families and forces the girls to manage their behavior and their grief to protect their parents from further pain. Cora observes: “Dad gives me a smile and I know it’s meant to be encouraging, but I can see the sadness leaking out behind it” (13). Cora feels that she must manage her outward expressions of grief in order to support her father through his own grieving process, thinking, “I have to be strong for him. I’m the only Hamed girl left” (18). Quinn suffers from the same pressures. Parker’s actions have caused immense discord between her parents, and she writes to her brother, “[N]ow they argue about you. And why you did what you did” (45). Quinn feels the pressure of being perfect in the wake of her brother’s violence and death, and that “now [she] feel[s] like [she has] to do everything right” (60).
Healing Through Human Connection and Hope is introduced as an important theme as well. Quinn’s desire to return to another time illustrates her grief over Parker’s radicalization, murderous actions, and suicide. Her desire to time travel to the morning of the shooting is a way to manage her grief when it feels too overwhelming. The fantastical notion that Quinn can change what happens helps her to deal with the feelings of grief and guilt that her brother’s crime brings up in her. This method of coping gives her a sense of hope that allows her to deal with her grief. It also offers the possibility of human connection through a renewed connection with Cora. This is illustrated in the fact that looking at the old photos with Cora doesn’t feel as painful after Quinn has concocted the plan to time travel and change the outcome of Parker’s actions: “[A]fter I read the article about time travel, I saw potential when I looked at that photo” (30).
Quinn and Cora’s plan to time travel brings each girl solace through hope, and it provides a shared goal that allows them to reestablish an important friendship that helps them manage their overwhelming grief. Through the interconnected themes of Grief and Guilt After the Loss of A Sibling and Healing Through Human Connection and Hope, Jasmine Warga shows how both connection and hope are needed to recover from overwhelming feelings of grief and guilt. She illustrates this process through Cora and Quinn’s struggle to rediscover their connection and process through their respective traumas.
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By Jasmine Warga
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