The Rock and The River

Speaking of the demonstration for Bucky, Sam says, “nothing could go back to normal after today” (193). Building upon what he saw with the Black Panthers and their use of guns, Sam takes action to save Stick by pointing a gun. He says, “I was no longer helpless. No longer did I have to stand by, watch, and wait” (188). Yet Sam was also eager to let go of the gun and give it to Stick when he got up. He knows the complexities that come with the weapon and questions if he made the right decision: “Which was worse? Hurting Stick by doing nothing, or hurting Father by doing what I did?” (193).

Sam falls back to his avoidance behaviors to cope with the complexities he does not want to face. He confesses, “I didn’t want to leave home. I didn’t want to hold a gun. I had little voice left for protest. Mostly, I wanted to be left alone” (196). While Sam is able to save Stick with the gun, he is unable to protect Father. The wrongness of Father being stabbed challenges Sam and his view of the world: “My head hurt, as if pieces of my brain had fallen out of place. I couldn’t put them back. I couldn’t put any of it back. Nothing I could do would fix what I’d made happen” (207).

Sam also falls back to his habit of blaming himself for things that are out of his control, wishing that Mama would understand it was his fault and not Stick’s fault for what happened. Leroy tells Sam, “You’re only responsible for your own actions. You can’t control how someone else reacts to what you do. You made a choice. Stand by it” (210). This quote also speaks to Sam’s feelings that his father will be disappointed in him. Sam is at the intersection of standing by his own ideals and discarding the ideals of his father and brother.