The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss

Gloria Vanderbilt (1924-2019) was an American artist, designer, and writer. She came from the prestigious and powerful Vanderbilt family, being the daughter of Reginald Claypoole Vanderbilt—the great-great-great-grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt—and Gloria Morgan Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt created fine art throughout her life, and in 1979, at the age of 55, she began designing her own brand of women’s jeans. She also had perfumes released with her name. She wrote five other memoirs before this one, the first of which was Woman to Woman (1979), and three novels: Never Say Good-Bye: A Novel (1989), The Memory Book of Starr Faithfull: A Novel (1994), and Obsession: An Erotic Tale (2009). She died from stomach cancer on June 17, 2019, at the age of 95, three years after the release of The Rainbow Comes and Goes.

In the memoir, Vanderbilt details the tremendous effect her father’s death had on her throughout her life. Though she found maternal figures in her childhood governess Emma Keislich, or “Dodo,” and her maternal grandmother Laura Delphine Kilpatrick “Naney” Morgan, she was hurt by her mother’s emotional neglect and disinterest in forming a true mother-daughter bond. This tension increased with the custody battle in 1934 and when Vanderbilt’s second husband, Leopold, convinced her to cut her mother off completely. She was only able to reconcile with her mother and make peace with herself after having an LSD experience at a psychiatrist’s office in 1960. Vanderbilt’s longing for a father figure led her to date strong, often older, men, who she believed would love her. Many of these men were predatory and dangerous, including her first husband, Pat DeCicco, or dishonest, like Leopold. She struggled with feeling satisfied in her relationships with men, which led to her divorce from her third husband, Sidney Lumet. When she married Wyatt Cooper, though, she began to feel comfortable planning for the future.

Wyatt’s death in 1978 devastated her and made her insecure about her parenting. She never remarried after Wyatt’s death, though she considered remarrying Sidney Lumet and had some relationships with other men. Carter Cooper’s death in 1988 devastated her further, and it was only through talking about her grief and leaning on Cooper that she was able to heal, though her grief would always remain. At the end of the memoir, Vanderbilt has gained confidence in herself through her art and has grown a passion for life and beauty. She has also made peace with the events of her life by forgiving herself and those who hurt her. Ultimately, her conversation with Cooper helps her better understand him and brings them closer together, with all the things she wanted to say spoken.

Laura Delphine Kilpatrick Morgan (1877-1956), or “Naney,” was Gloria Vanderbilt’s maternal grandmother, Gloria Morgan Vanderbilt’s mother, and Anderson Cooper’s great-grandmother. As the daughter of Union Army general Hugh Judson Kilpatrick and Luisa Kilpatrick (nee Valdivieso), a member of the wealthy Chilean Valdivieso family, Naney became focused on money and social status at a young age. After marrying diplomat Harry Hays Morgan and having four children with him, including Gloria, she became concerned with ensuring that her daughters would also marry into powerful families.

Vanderbilt tells Cooper, “Although an ardent Roman Catholic, Naney found her true God in money and social position” (45). Naney’s obsession with wealth and social status would lead her to betray her daughter Gloria and have Vanderbilt’s aunt Gertrude seek custody of her. To achieve this goal, she would even lie about Gloria and her lover. She also showed disapproval of Vanderbilt marrying men who were not from wealthy, powerful families, which would later cause Vanderbilt to gradually distance herself from her. She would rather live simply and wear old clothing than to have Vanderbilt buy a new house or new clothing for her, but she would have a vast stock portfolio. This is something that Cooper finds he relates to and respects about Naney, wishing he could live simply and hold onto enough money to help those he cares about.

Despite Naney’s manipulation and greed, she genuinely loved Vanderbilt as her granddaughter and always tried to comfort her and ensure her happiness. She also, despite her greed, wanted her granddaughter to have financial security and social favor because she knew it was important for people in families like the Vanderbilts. In addition, she loved Vanderbilt’s oldest sons Stan and Chris, and she loved spending time with Vanderbilt and them before her death in 1956.

Gloria Morgan Vanderbilt (1904-1965) was Gloria Vanderbilt’s mother, Anderson Cooper’s maternal grandmother, Reginald Claypoole Vanderbilt’s widow, and Naney’s daughter. After marrying Reginald, giving birth to Vanderbilt, and being widowed at a young age, she was unprepared for the responsibility of being a mother. She hardly ever spent time with Vanderbilt, seemed incapable of feeling love for her, and only seemed to fight for custody of her for her social image. These traits make Vanderbilt and Cooper both believe that she was a narcissist. Though she could never grow to love Vanderbilt, Vanderbilt reconciled with her, and they remained close until her death from cancer in 1965.

Gloria was attracted to women. Her former maid, Marie, revealed this during the custody battle, which led to her losing custody over Vanderbilt. Despite being mostly attracted to women, including her longtime friend and lover Lady Nada Milford Haven, she also had relationships with men, falling in love with the German prince Friedrich Hohenlohe. This gave Vanderbilt insecurities about her sexuality until she reached puberty and realized she was only attracted to men. Vanderbilt would eventually become accepting of non-heterosexual love as an adult and would confront her feelings about her mother’s scandal after Cooper came out as gay.

Emma Keislich (1888-1973), also called “Dodo” by Gloria Vanderbilt, was Vanderbilt’s governess and maternal figure. Having taken care of her from her birth, Dodo came to love Vanderbilt as a daughter, and Vanderbilt saw her as a mother figure. While living in Paris, she conspired with Naney to take Vanderbilt back to America to be raised by her aunt. Though this plan was successful, the judge ordered Dodo to stay away from Vanderbilt.

However, Vanderbilt still wrote to Dodo, who began to go by the name Emily Prescott. Dodo moved in with Vanderbilt after she married Pat DeCicco and remained her companion during her marriage to Leopold Stokowski. They started growing distant as Vanderbilt grew older, however. When she reconciled with her mother and met and married Wyatt Cooper, she stopped seeing Dodo. In 1973, Catholic Charities sent Vanderbilt a letter with the name Emily Prescott to inform her that Dodo was dying. She burned the letter, and, a week later, received another letter informing her Dodo had died. This devastated Vanderbilt, who knew that Dodo still loved her even after their estrangement and who still saw Dodo as the mother figure who always supported her.

Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney (1875-1942), or “Auntie Ger,” was a sculptor and art patron who founded the Whitney Museum. She was Gloria Vanderbilt’s aunt, Anderson Cooper’s great-aunt, and Reginald Claypoole Vanderbilt’s sister. Naney and Dodo conspired to have Gertrude take custody of Vanderbilt, believing that as a Vanderbilt, she belonged with her. Gertrude went along with the custody battle because she was concerned with how distressed Vanderbilt was with her mother.

Though Gertrude had difficulty sharing her feelings with Vanderbilt, Vanderbilt would later find in her letters that she truly loved her niece. Gertrude also helped inspire Vanderbilt to become an artist. She expressed dismay and disapproval with Vanderbilt’s marriage to Pat DeCicco, and in 1942, shortly after the wedding, Vanderbilt mourned her death. Vanderbilt also suspected that if Gertrude had been more open with her feelings and tried to stop her from marrying Pat, she might not have married him.