The Minds of Billy Milligan

Content Warning: This section mentions sexual assault, trauma and abuse, and institutionalization and mental health treatment.

“‘Oh God, no!’ he shouted. ‘Not again!' He sat on the floor, staring dully into space. Then he saw cockroaches in the corner and his expression blanked and changed. Crossing his legs, he hunched up close, his chin cupped in his hands, and smiled childishly as he studied them running in circles.”

After Milligan was arrested following the Ohio campus rapes, Billy briefly gained consciousness in his cell; he quickly vanished, however, when he took in his surroundings. This passage indicates Billy’s confusion at what seemed a repeating pattern resulting from amnesia: Each time he woke up, he was in a different space than he last remembered. His blanking and changing expression likewise indicates the switch to a different alter.

“The intelligence tests showed Milligan’s IQ to be 68, but Driscoll stated that Milligan’s depression had lowered his score. His report diagnosed acute schizophrenia.”

Noticing Milligan’s strange behavior, Schweikart and Stevenson obtained a psychological evaluation; the results indicated a low IQ, depression, and potential schizophrenia. Milligan’s misdiagnoses were consistent with the fact that the people around him were, at this point, unaware that the alters existed. The results of the IQ test potentially pertain to one of the younger alters. Depression is common in people experiencing DID; and interpreting detachment from reality as psychosis can lead to a misdiagnosis of schizophrenia in those experiencing DID.

“That’s what Arthur calls it. He explained to us how it works when one of the people has to come out. It’s a big white spotlight. Everybody stands around it, watching or sleeping in their beds. And whoever steps on the spot is out in the world. Arthur says, ‘Whoever is on the spot holds the consciousness.’”

When Turner first met Milligan, she spoke to David, who accidentally let out the secret: the existence of the alters. David then explained the phenomenon of the different alters “holding consciousness,” i.e., interacting with the external world. This was experienced as one of the alters stepping into the spotlight, while the others watched or were “asleep.