The Life Impossible

Content Warning: This section discusses the deaths of loved ones and grief and mentions alcohol abuse.

“And as I get older, as I pass more numbers, the pattern becomes more predictable. And nothing can break that pattern. I used to believe in God but now I don’t believe in anything. I was in love, but I messed that up. I hate myself sometimes. I mess everything up. I feel guilty all the time. I am drinking too much, and it screws up my studies and I feel guilty for that too because Mum wanted me to try hard. […] I just get fed up with being a human, being this small tiny thing that can’t do anything about the world. Everything feels impossible.”

Maurice Augustine’s intimate, vulnerable tone conveys his desire for connection and guidance. He reaches out to Grace Winters in this email because he’s looking for advice. He uses anaphora, beginning many of his sentences with the words “and” or “I.” This repetition affects an urgent tone and captures his longing for others to see and understand him.

“What I am about to tell you is a story even I find hard to believe. Please don’t feel any obligation to take my word for anything. But know that nothing in this is made up. I have never believed in magic, and I still don’t. But sometimes what looks like magic is simply a part of life we don’t understand yet.”

Grace’s honest and open tone captures her authenticity. She’s responding to Maurice’s email in this passage and speaking directly to him. Her use of language establishes her overarching approach to storytelling and simultaneously introduces the stakes of her narrative.

“It wasn’t pleasant, but it was something. The truth was that I hadn’t really felt much for years. Just a vague lingering sadness. Anhedonia. Do you know that word? The inability to feel pleasure. An unfeeling. Well, that had been me for some time. I have known depression, and it wasn’t that. It didn’t have the intensity of depression. It was just a lack. I was just existing.”

Grace’s description of her emotional experience echoes Maurice’s description of his emotional experience in his original email. The parallels between the characters’ encounters with loss, grief, and guilt connect them. Furthermore, Grace is using an open, authentic voice in this passage and allowing Maurice to see her vulnerability.