The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

In Chapter 11, Robbins discusses the transition from youth to adult friendships, introducing a concept she terms “The Great Scattering”—the period after high school or college when friend groups disperse. She contrasts childhood friendships, facilitated by educational institutions and organized activities, with the challenges of maintaining connections in adulthood.

Robbins identifies the “Three Pillars of Friendship”: proximity, timing, and energy. She supports the importance of proximity with research from the University of Kansas indicating that casual friendships require 74 hours of interaction, while close friendships require over 200 hours. The timing pillar relates to life stages; people who are in similar life stages will naturally have more in common, Robbins contends. The final pillar, energy, describes the intangible connection between individuals that can fluctuate over time.

Robbins references the saying that some relationships exist for a season, others for a specific reason, and a select few persist for a lifetime. She advocates for accepting these natural cycles rather than forcing connections to continue, using her personal experience of exclusion from a friend group to demonstrate the importance of adapting to changing relationship dynamics. She encourages readers to release rigid expectations about friendship and embrace a more flexible understanding of adult relationships.