The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of mental illness.

Harris explores the distinction between values and rules, illustrating this difference through a case study about Fred, a businessman who experienced significant financial losses. After losing his business and home, Fred obtained employment at a boarding school for international students. Rather than viewing this career change as a setback, Fred aligned his actions with his core values of being supportive and caring. He initiated new programs at the school, taught life skills to students, and became an informal counselor, transforming what could have been an unfulfilling position into meaningful work.

Harris uses Fred’s story to demonstrate that living according to one’s values does not eliminate difficulties but can make challenging situations more manageable and meaningful. The author then transitions to explaining how values differ from rules. Values, Harris argues, represent flexible guidelines for behavior, while rules function as rigid mental commands that often include words like “must,” “should,” and “always.” He maintains that while rules can serve practical purposes, self-imposed rules frequently create unnecessary limitations and emotional distress.

The chapter concludes with practical guidance for implementing values-based living. Harris introduces an exercise called “flavoring and savoring,” encouraging readers to select one or two values each morning and intentionally incorporate them into daily activities.