The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

“It’s been a full, amazing, hard-as-shit, beautiful thirteen years. Most days, I’d describe it as a wonderful life with really painful patches.”

Brown’s description of her experiences since the original publication of her book encompasses the emotional contrasts that characterize being fully present and living wholeheartedly. Brown writes as she talks, using hyperboles like “amazing” and colloquialisms like “hard-as-shit.” This makes her seem like a warm, down-to-earth companion, and her honesty about her difficulties as well as her successes encourages the reader to trust her.

“One thing that’s become very clear to me is that the experience of sharing our vulnerability is not the same for all of us. Let me explain. The greatest casualty of trauma—the thing that trauma often takes away from us—is the emotional, and sometimes even physical, safety that is necessary for us to be vulnerable.”

One of Brown’s key realizations in the interval between editions is that we are not all on a level playing field when it comes to expressing vulnerability. While those, like Brown, who enjoy a position of systemic privilege have the safety to reveal their weaknesses, those disadvantaged by trauma or discrimination do not. When we do not all have the same baseline of safety, we cannot hope to enjoy the same results from expressing vulnerability.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”

This opening quote to the Preface of Brown’s book establishes The Challenge of Being Oneself in a Conformist World. Brown defines self-acceptance as loving oneself through the process of recognizing the many layers of one’s life and identifies it as one of the key components of wholehearted living. With this emphatic statement, Brown sets up the reader for a challenge.