The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence is a nonfiction guide to guaranteeing one’s safety. Written by internationally renowned safety-and-violence expert Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear was published in 1997 by Little, Brown, and Company. It has been the #1 bestselling book on the subject since its publication, with government organizations and public figures attesting to its philosophy. Gavin de Becker is the founder of private security firm Gavin de Becker & Associates, established in 1977, and took a year off in the late 1990s to write The Gift of Fear to extrapolate his firm’s insights and techniques. In 2022, de Becker expanded on his firm’s offerings by publishing The Gift of Fear Masterclass, a YouTube series featuring 10 hours of interviews and audience interactions with him, colleagues, and clientele intended to offer a summation and expansion of the book.

This guide follows the paperback video series tie-in edition of the book published in 2021.

Note: In The Gift of Fear and its video series, Gavin de Becker addresses his usage of pronouns to reflect the disproportionate violence perpetrated against women by men. Thus, “she” generally refers to the victim in his hypothetical scenarios, and “he” to the offender. This guide addresses this statistical reality while incorporating the gender neutral “they” when appropriate.

Content Warning: The Gift of Fear’s purpose is to help the reader avoid violence. While not graphic, it depicts murder, sexual abuse, sexual assault, stalking, extortion, exploitation, and domestic violence, with some examples involving children.

Summary

The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence comprises 15 chapters. Chapter 1: “In the Presence of Danger” introduces Kelly, a young woman who managed to escape a man who coerced himself into her apartment, sexually assaulted her, and intended to murder her. Chapter 2: “The Technology of Intuition” introduces intuition as a crucial, perfectly designed biological source of self-preservation, and delves into the importance of honoring its signals. Chapter 3: “The Academy of Prediction” stresses the importance of seeing potential offenders as human, so one can accurately assess them before they cause harm. Chapter 4: “Survival Signals” revisits Kelly’s story (Chapter 1) and identifies the 7 behaviors that her attacker used to disarm her. Chapter 5: “Imperfect Strangers” explores how one can use intuition to determine whether or not a person in their environment is a potential threat.

Chapter 6: “High Stakes Predictions” introduces Gavin de Becker & Associates’ 4 JACA (Justification, Alternatives, Consequences, and Ability) elements and 11 Elements of Prediction, and apply them to the reader. Chapter 7: “Promises to Kill” helps the reader evaluate and interpret threats, from explicit statements of violent intent to attempts to manipulate and control through extortion and blackmail. Chapter 8: “Persistence, Persistence” provides examples of how and why people become fixated and refuse to abandon a pursuit, as well as approaches for disengaging and disentangling oneself from a pursuer. Chapter 9: “Occupational Hazards” addresses violence in the workplace, and gives guidance on how to deal with problematic employees who need to be fired and how to prevent dangerous people from being hired in the first place. Chapter 10: “Intimate Enemies” delves into the dangers of attempting to escape domestic violence, and dispels myths about protective orders and “crimes of passion.”

Chapter 11: “I Was Trying to Let Him Down Easy” considers potential love interests and short-term connections who refuse to be refused, and how to avoid them. Chapter 12: “Fear of Children” discusses the conditions under which children commit violence, stressing the importance of protecting children from dangerous peers and empowering guardians to familiarize themselves with school safety and security policies. Chapter 13: “Better to Be Wanted by the Police Than Not Be Wanted at All” discusses attacks against public figures, the motivations behind them, and how they impact cultural climate and national beliefs about security. Chapter 14: “Extreme Hazards” details previous chapters’ lessons in action, with de Becker recalling a high-stakes manhunt that his firm partook in. Chapter 15: “The Gift of Fear” stresses true fear and intuition as allowing oneself to lead a happier, more fulfilling life free from worry.