The Fine Print

“With your father pushing me away, I devoted myself to my job until I became numb to everything else. […] I met someone who opened my eyes to my mistakes. As the company grew, I lost touch with why I started this all.”

These words of Brady’s from beyond the grave foreshadow Zahra’s later role as one of the committee members who will decide the fate of Rowan’s inheritance and plans for the park. Rowan eventually realizes that Zahra was the person Brady met: the one who helped him open his eyes to the problems within the park during their meetings to discuss her original Nebula Land proposal.

“I’m not the hopeless boy anymore that craved a real relationship with my father. Because of him, I turned my mind into a weapon rather than a weakness. No matter how hard he tries to poke at me, I’ll always come out on top because the child he once knew no longer exists. I made sure of that.”

This moment reveals both Rowan’s past trauma and the effects it had on who he has become. Although he has found strength in not letting his father’s opinions get to him, he has done so at the cost of his happiness and empathy for others.

“This is your chance to prove to yourself that nothing anyone says defines who you are. Only your actions do.”

These are the words of Claire, Zahra’s roommate and close friend. She provides the impetus for Zahra’s proposal and later success as a Creator, and in this moment, she reminds Zahra to claim her own power and her own future rather than allowing Lance’s past betrayals and opinions to dictate who she is.

“When I was with Lance, that’s the kind of person I became comfortable being. The silent, demure type who didn’t want to make any waves because I prioritized his happiness. In the end, it was all for nothing. I gave up the person I was for a man who couldn’t handle the woman I was meant to be.”

This is an important moment of self-reflection for Zahra. She recognizes her ingrained impulse to hide her true self, something she learned in her relationship with Lance, and she decides to be true to herself rather than giving in to her old trauma responses.

“Declan shows off the small smile he saves for us.”

Declan’s smile and Rowan’s observation of it reveals the depths of the bond amongst the three brothers. Although they shield themselves from everyone, becoming cold and calculating, a small part of themselves remains connected. In this moment, Declan’s subtle body language reveals that the brothers show their most authentic selves in each other’s company. As the novel (and the broader series) progresses, each brother must undertake his own journey of self-discovery.

“I wish I felt as confident as he did in my skills. Ever since I left Rowan’s office, the worrying thoughts have multiplied until they have become overwhelming.”

Zahra nearly gives in to her insecurities when she tries to reject the promotion to the Creator team. Although Rowan refuses to let her turn it down, her doubts remain, and the struggle to overcome her lingering sense of being an imposter will be Zahra’s primary inner conflict in the novel.

“Things escalated when she talked back to me in a way I’ve never experienced before. It should have been a huge turnoff. I’ve never been attracted to anyone who disrespects authority, so I’m not sure what about Zahra draws me in.”

Just after Rowan gives in to his attraction and kisses Zahra, he agonizes over his actions. This particular reflection reveals another element of Rowan’s isolation. He is usually placed on a pedestal by those beyond his own family, and this dynamic leaves him feeling isolated. It also causes him to pursue a life of making decisions without the benefit of healthy disagreement to help him learn from his mistakes.

“There’s no one here to yell at me or make me feel like I’m worthless. I’m a grown man who can handle anything slung my way, including a stupid, harmless drawing.”

These are the thoughts that help Rowan to move past his panic attack, which is triggered when he attempts to return to his interest in drawing years after his father’s emotional abuse compelled him to abandon his artistic endeavors. Rowan now recognizes that he has the power to move past those memories and do anything he wants to do. This strength plants a seed that allows him to make more important choices for himself later on.

“By the time I realized I had finished the final product an hour ago, a weird emptiness had washed over me. My fingers itched to keep going and chase after that all-consuming feeling where the world shut off around me.”

In this moment, Rowan recalls how good drawing has always felt for him. This is an important first engagement with his old hobby, one that helps him to recover an important piece of himself after years of trauma and emotional survival have drastically delayed his deeper healing.

“Expressing gratitude isn’t exactly an exchange program.”

Having experienced so many traps and deceits set up by those who want something from him, Rowan challenges Zahra’s ability to be grateful and kind without wanting something in return. Zahra’s response here is important for Rowan’s growth; she tells him honestly that she does not see gratitude, friendship, or love as an exchange. Rowan needs to adopt this perspective so that he can heal.

“But no matter how many times I tell myself that, nothing is good enough in my eyes. Every time I accomplish a difficult task, I’m already searching for the next obstacle to overcome. To show my father and anyone who doubted me that I turned my weaknesses into strengths.”

Although Rowan has cut himself off from others emotionally, he has self-awareness and recognizes what his actions have done. This passage reveals Rowan’s understanding of himself while giving insight into his past and his relationship with his father.

“Home is wherever I’m unbothered. That’s true peace for me.”

Rowan has not felt a true sense of home since his mother passed away. His reflection here on what “home” means to him reveals just how overwhelmed he often is in his life as a businessperson and as an heir to a famous billionaire. Rowan’s true happiness does not lie in being a celebrity.

“I’m making my alter ego into a complete loser, much like my older self.”

This derisive thought of Rowan’s reveals how deep his trauma responses go. He makes a joke to Zahra over text, but he criticizes himself harshly, just as his father criticized him as a child.

“For the first time in God knows how long, I feel intense regret. No wonder Zahra was so pissed at my comment. It was wholly deserved based on the kind of program she is trying to create here.”

This is one of the first moments in which Rowan is called to account. He has gotten used to getting his way as a powerful businessperson, but he recognizes immediately that he behaved badly when criticizing Zahra’s meeting announcement, and he reveals his true character by making amends.

“Zahra’s my opposite in every way that counts. I can’t compare to a woman who can light up a room with her smile alone. She’s like the sun, with everyone orbiting around her to bask in her warmth. Unlike me, who keeps people away from me with nothing but a scowl.”

This moment reveals Rowan’s growing emotional attraction to Zahra. He has recognized his physical attraction for some time, but their text-based and real-life interactions help him to realize how joyful and caring she is. He also compares her joy to his own lack of it, criticizing himself in the process.

“I want to see myself like she sees me. Because in her eyes, I don’t feel like I’m a man carrying an entire mountain of expectations on my shoulders. I’m just Rowan, the kind of guy who sits on a floor in a pair of expensive slacks, eating takeout from a carton and loving every second of it.”

Rowan is falling deeper into feelings of affection for Zahra here. Beyond that, however, he recognizes that one of the things he likes about being around her is the person he becomes. He longs to be himself again, and Zahra is someone with whom he feels he can do that.

“No. That can’t be true. That’s something my father does, not me. I’m    practical and blunt. There’s a difference between that and being a miserable fuck like my father.”

Rowan glosses over this moment of self-reflection after Zahra leaves. He reacted badly to her statement that she should not be attracted to him; because he felt hurt, he lashed out. When she brings his poor behavior to his attention, he briefly connects this to how his father has behaved, but he does not follow through on this revelation until later in the novel.

“I won’t be silenced anymore. I spent too much time holding back because I was afraid of standing up for myself. I did it when Lance stole my idea, and I allowed it when Regina treated me poorly because she felt like it. Not anymore.”

This is an important moment for Zahra. Although she later agrees to hear Rowan out and forgives him for lying, dealing with Rowan’s lie about Scott helps her to realize one of her new boundaries and non-negotiables in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.

“I’m having an out-of-body experience where I want to do something for myself that defies my usual logic. That doesn’t require a list, risk analysis, or excessive thinking. I want to be free, if only for a few months while I’m still here.”

Rowan falls deeper into his relationship with Zahra than his insistence on a casual relationship might indicate. This moment is important because it helps Rowan to realize that he likes the person he becomes when he spends time with Zahra. He is discovering who he truly is outside of trauma responses.

“How could I have been this much of an idiot? I willingly became like my father, giving in to a woman’s every whim until they took over all my thoughts and influenced my actions.”

This moment is an important turning point for Rowan. Instead of leaning into his care and worry for Zahra, he sees the pain he feels as a sign that he might become like his father if he lets himself love someone so deeply.

“People need to put in the work to fix themselves, and while I’ve done it, Rowan hasn’t. He’s too afraid. Too selfish. Too consumed by his drive for more, without even realizing what exactly he wants more of.”

Zahra sees through to the core of Rowan’s struggles in this moment. She has put in the work to heal her traumas through counseling, but she recognizes that she does not want to trust Rowan again because he has not put in the work required to heal effectively from his own trauma.

“My little knights, Love with all your heart and show kindness in all your actions. Mommy.”

Carved into his grandfather’s swing, these words provide the final push that Rowan needs to change. They are the words his mother used to say to him and his brothers, and when he sees them carved on his grandfather’s porch swing, he realizes that he has not been living according to his mother’s values, which he now realizes are also his own.

“The pressure I’ve placed on my own shoulders to live up to some unattainable goal of proving my father wrong has poisoned enough of my life. I wanted him to recognize my worth for years when he couldn’t even see past his own misery. And now I’m done. I’m letting go of that boy who wanted to be seen by the entirely wrong person.”

Despite his earlier claims that he has made himself immune to his father’s criticism, Rowan recognizes in this moment that he had still been trying to make his father proud. By realizing that, he frees himself from the pull that such a desire had on his choices.