The Dunciad

Cibber, now crowned King of the Dunces, sits atop his throne. In his honor, Dulness calls forth all her Dunces and all those who profit from her Dunces for a series of games in the king’s honor.

The first competition is a race for booksellers. Dulness creates a phantom poet, and the first bookseller to reach him wins. Publishers Bernard Lintot and Edmund Curll (spelled “Curl” in the book) step forward as challengers. Curll dashes out in front, taking an early lead, but is obstructed by a large puddle of excrement dropped by poet Elizabeth Thomas. Curll slides and falls into the muck, and the crowd shout their support for Lintot. While lying there, however, Curll issues a prayer to Jove, king of the Roman gods, and Cloacina, goddess of Rome’s sewer system. As Curll is one of her favorites, Cloacina makes it so that the excrement gives him strength. He rises, renews his challenge, and races passed Lintot to victory. Curll reaches out to the phantom poet, who vanishes. Next Curll reaches out to the poet’s papers, but they fly back to their original authors. Dulness laughs at each of Curll’s attempts to grasp at something he can make money from, but ultimately takes pity on him and awards him a tapestry depicting the ignoble fates of famous Dunces.