The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

“I suddenly felt that it was all the same to me whether the world existed or whether there had never been anything at all: I began to feel with all my being that there was nothing existing. At first I fancied that many things had existed in the past, but afterwards I guessed that there never had been anything in the past either, but that it had only seemed so for some reason. Little by little I guessed that there would be nothing in the future either.”

The narrator expresses existential nihilism. He feels that any sense of meaning he might have had in the past was only an illusion, and that nothing substantial even exists. He also believes that “there would be nothing in the future either,” which shows his loss of hope.

“I had almost given up thinking by that time; nothing mattered to me. If at least I had solved my problems! Oh, I had not settled one of them, and how many they were! But I gave up caring about anything, and all the problems disappeared.”

In his indifferent state, the narrator stops caring about everything, even his problems, finding temporary relief; feeling that his problems stopped existing, he didn’t have to think about what bothered him anymore. In retrospect, the narrator is able to see that not caring about his problems did not make them disappear. Rather, he was only able to hide from them.

“And it was after that that I found out the truth. I learnt the truth last November—on the third of November, to be precise—and I remember every instant since.”

This quote marks the start of the turning point in the story. The narrator’s tone changes: Up until this point, he was indifferent to everything and felt like nothing existed, but now remembers “every instant since.” The discovery of this “truth” is so important to him that he remembers and points out the exact date it happened.