The Dinner

With his hands in his pockets, Michel asks Paul about Claire. Paul cannot stop thinking about the secret Claire and Michel are keeping from him. He returns Michel’s phone. Michel knows that his father has looked at the phone; Paul decides that he will “act the ignoramus, a naïve father who didn’t think it was such a big deal that his son beat up vagrants and set fire to the homeless” (77). He admits to seeing the video of the homeless man. Michel asks whether Claire knows. Paul thinks about the night he saw the video on the television, when he had gone to Michel’s room and they had talked about what had happened. Michel had pleaded innocence, asking how he and Rick were to know that the gas vapors would explode. Paul had awkwardly listened to his son, not asking many questions. He had already made up his mind. Once, after Michel and his friends had broken a window with a soccer ball, Paul had taken Michel to pay the owner of the window. But when the man launched into a tirade about “the riffraff” (79), Paul had launched into a vehement defense of his son. He threatened the man and, when the man backed off, Paul calmly paid for the window. On the way home, Michel had cried, wanting his mother. Paul had offered not to mention any of what had happened to Claire. Michel agreed to keep everything a secret, the broken window and Paul’s threats. That night, as Paul prepared never to mention the incident again, Michel had hugged him tighter than ever before.

The evening Paul had talked to Michel about the dead homeless woman, he had tried to put himself in his sons shoes. He had tried to imagine what he might have done in Michel’s situation. He had told Michel to “just forget it for the time being” (82). Paul saw both fear and thankfulness in his son’s eyes.

Outside the restaurant, Paul and Michel silently stand opposite one another. Paul asks for an explanation about the video, but Michel says it does not make a difference. Paul imagines a world where he is a good father, one who disputes this. But he knows that he has already crossed that line. Michel begins to leave. A few days before, Serge had called to arrange the dinner. Paul immediately knew why. Paul asked whether Babette knew (she did), but Serge did not ask the same about Claire. Since then, Paul has watched the CCTV footage numerous times. He cannot get it out of his head. He calls after Michel. On one of his repeat viewings, Paul realized that the boys had returned to the scene of the crime to “see with their own eyes what they had done” (85), but the video cut there, leaving the next part of the event unseen. In the days after the broadcast, Paul had hoped for a war or a terrorist attack, something to push the murder out of the headlines. He had imagined being able to move on, maybe after six months or a year, and pretend that the attack never happened. He had studied Claire for any change in her behavior, any hint that she knew. He had wanted to start forgetting as soon as possible.

Paul had planned to forget but he could not do so. He had begun to scour the internet for more footage from the murder. He viewed the murder on YouTube but almost every video edited out the final shot, in which a white tennis shoe appears, suggesting that the boys returned to the scene of the crime. The final video focused on the attackers, slowing down the footage and adding ominous music whenever the boys were in frame. It was titled Men in Black III. Near the end, the video seemed to fade to black. Paul almost stopped watching but something compelled him to remain focused. The video changed; no longer CCTV, it became a video recorded on a cell phone camera. Paul heard the voices of his son and nephew as they recorded the aftermath. They joke with one another. Rick says Michel’s name. The image freezes and text appears on the screen, advertising a sequel which they will release soon. Each day, Paul had checked YouTube for the sequel. It was only that evening, as he checked Michel’s phone before leaving for the restaurant, that he had seen the rest of the video.

Paul calls after Michel, who turns around. Paul tells his son to delete the videos; he had seen for himself how Michel bullied Rick and pushed him around, an accusation Serge had levelled at Michel before. Paul knows that Michel is the leader of the two boys and takes some small satisfaction from this. Paul tells Michel to throw his phone in the river, offering to buy him a new one. He tells Michel to think about his future and, his voice filling with anger, demands to know why Michel made the YouTube video. Michel denies doing so, but loud people leaving the restaurant interrupt their conversation. When Paul presses the issue, Michel responds angrily. He tells Paul to shut up, and Paul sees hatred in his son’s eyes. Paul relents, worried that his son’s rejection will break his heart. He tells Michel about the missed call and the message from Faso, and Michel’s expression hardens. Michel, trying to sound casual, asks what he wanted. Eventually, he admits that it was Faso who put the footage on YouTube.

Paul and Michel stare at one another in silence. Paul thinks that he sees a moistness in his sons eyes, a look which asks, “you finally get it?” (94). The ringing of Paul’s phone interrupts the silence. It is Claire. He answers, gesturing for Michel to stay. Paul admits to Claire that he is outside with Michel. Before he can stop her, she announces that she is coming out to meet them. In that moment, Paul thinks about the secret she and Michel have been keeping from him and wonders whether they can still be a happy family. Paul asks Michel how Faso got a hold of the video. He “just did” (95), Michel responds. Now, Michel reveals, Faso is threatening to release the other videos if Michel and Rick do not pay him. Paul asks how much; €3,000, Michel says, as Faso wants to buy a moped.

Claire arrives and Michel hugs her. She comforts her son and glances at Paul, seemingly wondering how much he knows. Almost everything, Paul thinks. But Michel’s eyes tell him that Claire does not know about the videos. Paul concocts an excuse about paying Michel money—Claire’s eyebrows raise—and he hands Michel €50. They both hug Michel and he cycles away. Claire admits that she knew about what Michel and Rick did, that Michel phoned her on the night that it happened and asked her what to do.

Paul remembers a time when he was teaching a class about Stalingrad. Teaching had become a drain on him and, after taking a short holiday alone in Berlin, he realized that he should retire.

After returning from Berlin, Paul’s attitude to the job changed. After students complained, Paul receives a summons from the principal’s office, where the principal asked Paul whether he said of the victims of World War II that “they only had themselves to blame for being victims” (101). Paul denies this, pointing out that—among any population of people—there are those who are nice and kind and those who are not. The principal realized that Paul had lost his enthusiasm for teaching. Paul expanded on the parts of history which had always interested him and how he had tried to convey that interest to the students. But the principal referred to an essay by a student whose name Paul has forgotten, one which Paul judged particularly harshly. Paul realized, then and there, that he was being let go. The principal asked Paul about his home life, getting many details wrong. Paul decided not to act out his violent fantasy of beating the man to a pulp for the sake of the (then four-years-old) Michel. The principal recommended that Paul meet with the school psychologist and take a short break from teaching. Paul agreed to the suggestions and left.

He visits the school psychologist a few days later. He accepts the medication prescribed and tells almost everything to Claire. The therapist tells him about a condition with a German-sounding name, which is hard to detect and might also affect his family members. Paul thinks of his son and projects the condition on to Michel’s behavior. Caught up in his thoughts, Paul does not answer the therapist’s question about whether he has children and—without thinking—agrees with the man’s suggestion that he was merely thinking about having children. It was not technically a lie; though Michel’s birth had been difficult, Paul and Claire had begun to discuss another child more and more. They were considering having children, but Paul left out the fact that they already had Michel. He inquires more about the condition, whether it might prompt expectant parents to terminate a pregnancy. The therapist says that it is a gray area. Many parents decide to get the abortion. Paul says what both men are thinking: If the test had been available 40 years ago, Paul would not be alive.

Paul takes the prescribed medicine and—at first—feels no different. Claire is more attentive to his well-being, however, and tells her that he feels fine. When the medication begins to take effect, Paul is reading a newspaper on his couch. Normally, such a situation would prompt dread-inducing existential thoughts. But on this occasion, he finds himself laughing. Claire, bemused, remarks that he seems like “one of those born-again Christians […] one big lump of happiness” (112). Paul almost tells her that he was thinking about a second child but instead begins to talk about building a shed in the garden.

That Sunday, Paul thinks, was “the high point” (113). The novelty of the medicine quickly fades and he tires of living life without the peaks and troughs. A few weeks later, he mentions to Claire his thought of having another child. She thinks it is a bad idea. Rather than ask her whether Michel might have inherited his condition, Paul changes the subject.

After that, Claire became ill. She was not typically a person who fell sick but nevertheless ended up in hospital. Paul will not reveal her illness—it is a private matter—but it was serious without being (at this particular stage) life-threatening. A series of operations seemed to worsen her condition. Claire weakened and Paul struggled to explain everything to Michel. He stays with a neighbor while Paul visits Claire. In the evenings, when Paul sits alone, he experiences a feeling of “extreme lightness” (116). Paul is desperate to maintain the appearance of normalcy. He does not want Michel to panic.

Serge and Babette visit the night before another of Claire’s surgeries, just as Paul and Michel are about to eat their dinner in front of the television. Paul still remembers the look on Babette’s face which made him “feel as though [he] had something to explain” (117). Paul mutters a reply and Michel leaps up and hugs Babette; Paul sees the room from her perspective, noting how messy it has become. There is little he can do but shrug. Babette and Serge tell Paul that they understand how difficult the situation must be for him. They offer to take Michel into their home for a short while. As they press the issue, he becomes offended. He begins to count how often they are using his first name. He asks them to leave and begins to fret, worried that he is not doing the right thing. Then, he asks whether they have talked to Claire recently. Babette admits that she has. Paul realizes that the idea has come from Claire herself and that all of his protests are futile. Babette asks why Michel never visits Claire in the hospital; Claire is worried that her son has forgotten his mother. Paul is about to say that Michel is always talking about his mother but then realizes that it is not true. When asked whether he would like to visit Claire, Michel only replies maybe. The boy is four years old, Paul says, maybe he knows what is best for himself. At that moment, Paul smells the food burning on the stove. He runs to the kitchen. He tries not to cry. He grabs the burning hot pan, ignoring the pain in his skin, and throws it at Serge’s head. Serge tries to duck but the pan catches him. Paul follows it up with another blow. Babette screams. Before Paul can hit his brother again, Michel appears. Paul stops.