The Courage to Be Disliked

Community feeling is the goal of interpersonal relationships. The philosopher explains this feeling as an awareness that one has refuge, that one is accepted. To get there, one must practice the self-acceptance and confidence in others that allows one to see other people as comrades rather than competitors. Adler’s contested belief is that community includes all things—plants, animals, inanimate objects, and the rest of the universe. The philosopher explains that the smallest group is “you and I,” but beyond that, there will always be another community to which one can contribute.

The philosopher argues that contribution to others is the source of happiness. The act of contributing leads to community feeling. Contribution does not have to take the form of work, which he defines broadly as work “in the home, child-rearing, contributing to the local society, hobbies, and all manner of other things” (230), not just work for pay. In this view, one can contribute to others just by being there. The philosopher tells the young man that contribution to others should be his guiding star. This way, even if people dislike him, he can find freedom in the knowledge that he contributes to others.