The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

The strategies of The Coaching Habit all reinforce the theme of effective communication. Michael Bungay Stanier points out the weaknesses in ineffective strategies and then proposes new approaches to the same problems. He claims one should resist the urge to offer advice: “Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is” (59). Advice is often given by default because managers assume it’s being sought, but to Bungay Stanier, this is an undermining strategy that interrupts communication. An employee may be looking for advice, but what they ultimately want is to be heard. A manager should use questions to elicit willing information from their employee. This leads to a more productive, reciprocal conversation in which real concerns are addressed.

Bungay Stanier recognizes many managers’ instinct to give advice: “Even if it’s the wrong advice—and it often is—giving it feels more comfortable than the ambiguity of asking a question” (60). In this case, giving advice fulfills an expected outcome, a formality. Advice is sometimes necessary, but should not be a default. Instead, it should emerge in organic conversation with an employee. Reciprocal communication allows a manager to truly know what their employee needs or wants, while ensuring both parties retain agency.