The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Bungay Stanier distinguishes between being truly helpful and satisfying an urge to save someone. He cites work on the paradox of being helpful conducted by psychologist Edgar Schein, which suggests that people act “helpful” to elevate their own status. This leads to a discussion of the “Drama Triangle,” a term Bungay Stanier uses to describe three archetypes in relationships: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. The Victim exhibits a “poor me” outlook, the Persecutor believes they are “surrounded by fools,” and the Rescuer seizes opportunities to “fix” problems. Bungay Stanier attributes these archetypes to a branch of psychotherapy known as Transactional Analysis, developed by Stephen Karpman, MD. He goes on to explain the hallmarks of these archetypes, from core beliefs to the benefits and price of playing each role. These archetypes do not define people; rather, they define behaviors sometimes employed or reverted to in stressful situations. Bungay Stanier illustrates how a person can cycle between these archetypes, presenting a mock conversation between himself and a staff member in which both people shift between roles. He maintains that while people can move between these types, they tend to have a default role. The