The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Bungay Stanier references consultant Peter Block’s two books, Flawless Consulting (1981) and The Answer to How is Yes (2001). Citing Block, he suggests that taking ownership and responsibility for one’s desires is often challenging. He says the question “What do you want?” is at the heart of this book. While this question seems obvious at first, Bungay Stanier argues it can be difficult to articulate wants. Often, what people want is left unspoken. The responsibility of truth rests on both the questioner and recipient of a question. Even when both parties have equally expressed and heard their wants, there remains the possibility of disconnect. Bungay Stanier believes the best way to resolve this disconnect is to understand the difference between wants and needs. He recommends that managers try to see the need behind an answer about wants. He offers research conducted by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, which states that all needs can be classified into nine categories: “affection, creation, recreation, freedom, identity, understanding, participation, protection, subsistence” (115). Rosenberg asserts that wants are more superficial than needs. Bungay Stanier provides scenarios for practical context. For example, someone who says “I want to leave early today” might actually be expressing a need for understanding (115).