The Best of Iggy

The narrator explains that there are no extenuating circumstances for Iggy’s behavior this time. No one locked Iggy in the bathroom, and Maribel and Haley weren’t bothering him. Iggy was simply “bored and lonely” and “lost his mind” (49). However, the narrator points out that Iggy’s actions, while messy and disruptive, were not terrible. The worst consequence was ruining his mom’s lipstick, which he has to replace with his own money. The narrator explains that ruining lipstick isn’t life threatening and, considering that people often do far worse things when they lose their minds, Iggy’s actions were relatively harmless.

The narrator introduces this chapter as focusing on the third type of mistakes mentioned in Chapter 1: things people truly wish they hadn’t done. The chapter centers around Iggy’s fourth-grade teacher, Ms. Schulberger, whom Iggy and his friend call Puttzi. Ms. Schulberger is young, fun, and always tries to make learning enjoyable. She wears funky necklaces and incorporates creative activities into her lessons. For example, for Global Studies, she spins the globe and “wherever your finger stopped, that was where you were going to live when you grew up, so you had to learn three words in its language” (50). Unlike his previous teachers, who often sent him to the principal, Ms. Schulberger never gets mad and genuinely likes Iggy, always seeming excited to see him.

This chapter only consists of two illustrations. The first depicts a field with clouds in the sky, each cloud featuring eyes and mouths that make them look as though they’re peacefully sleeping. The second illustration shows a detailed side and top view of a desk with a lift-up top and an attached seat.

One Monday, Ms. Schulberger’s class finds that their two-kid tables have been replaced with individual desks that have a chair connected to the table and a lift-up top. Ms. Schulberger explains that these new desks are actually very old and that the class will be getting brand-new ones soon. However, Iggy is thrilled with the change: “These desks were fantastic. They were the best desks Iggy had ever seen” (55). As class begins, Iggy’s classmates Sarah and Arden share their weekend activities, which Iggy finds boring. He rolls his eyes at his friend Arch, slumps in his chair, and grabs his throat. This causes the front of his desk to rise off the floor, and he keeps leaning back until only the chair and his feet are touching the floor. He walks forward, “driving” the desk. Ms. Schulberger scolds him and moves both Iggy and Arch to the front, where she can keep an eye on them, leaving Iggy feeling embarrassed.

During lunch, Iggy tells his best friend Diego, who’s in a different class, about the new old desks and how you can “drive” them. Diego says he wishes his class had those desks too. Arch, Skyler, and Owen are sitting nearby. Iggy, Arch, Skyler, Diego and Owen are all “famous for getting in trouble” (59). An illustration on Page 60 shows all the friends standing together. Iggy jokes: “Puttzi’s jealous […] cause her car’s smaller than my desk” (60). He then suggests they have a desk race when she’s not looking. The boys agree enthusiastically, with Diego betting on Iggy and Arch betting on himself.

That afternoon, Ms. Schulberger teaches bundling, a lesson Iggy finds easy. As she turns to the whiteboard for the second time, Iggy tenses, knowing the third turn will signal the start of their desk race. She asks a question, and though he knows the answer, he can’t raise his hand because he’s preparing for the race. He mouths “Loser” at Skyler and exchanges looks with Owen and Arch. When Ms. Schulberger turns to the whiteboard again, Skyler shouts “Three!” and the boys all yell “PUTTZI!!” as they “[zoom] forward in their desks” (61). Iggy charges ahead, laughing, but at the last second, he sees Ms. Schulberger’s terrified face. The illustration on Page 62 captures her fear as the desks race toward her. In that moment, Iggy realizes desk racing was a bad idea. The aftermath is illustrated on Page 63: a chaotic scene with arms and heads emerging from a cloud of dust.