The Beginning of Everything

Cassidy is still absent from school on Tuesday. Ezra leaves early for a PT appointment and on the way thinks about the conversations at lunch, when Evan and Jimmy had laughed hard about “outie bellybuttons” looking like nipples (259). Ezra has known his tennis teammates for years, and he is disturbed at how he suddenly finds them painful to be around. He realizes that their conversations are mostly gossip and cruel jokes told at someone else’s expense. Ezra wonders whether they ever had anything in common other than tennis. Rather than return to school, Ezra walks to the UCE campus, remembering his day there with Cassidy and half hoping to see her. He finds a sofa in the library with a good view of the door and works on his homework with his headphones on.

On Wednesday, Ezra walks into debate class and sees Cassidy there. They awkwardly greet each other and finish the class in silence. The tension between them is palpable.

Ezra goes to the UCE library every day that week, filling his free time with homework. He no longer uses his cane to walk, despite concerns from his mother that it is too soon. Ezra finds the pain from his knee a welcome distraction from the pain he feels when thinking about Cassidy.

Toby is not pleased when Ezra joins him and Phoebe at the coffee cart and makes a joke about Ezra’s “grunty jock friends” (266). Toby’s annoyance does not last, and soon Ezra is chatting with Toby and Phoebe like old times. Ezra realizes that standing there joking with them makes him the happiest he has felt in a while. Charlotte suddenly appears, gives Ezra a hug, and cuts the line in front of Phoebe. Toby looks disgusted when Ezra acquiesces to Charlotte. The atmosphere is still frosty between Cassidy and Ezra in class. Toby startles Ezra out of his class reading and asks Ezra to follow him. He angrily confronts Ezra, accusing him of “severed head-ing” him. When Ezra looks confused, Toby tells him: “You’re pushing me away, exactly like you did in the seventh grade” (269). Toby bluntly tells Ezra that after the Disneyland incident, Ezra changed and in the process lost his best friend and “forgot how to be awesome because you were too busy being cool” (270). Ezra realizes that he made the wrong choice when he was 12, and grinningly admits that he is “an asshole,” to which Toby makes an inappropriate but funny joke, restoring their friendship. Ezra tells Toby what happened with Cassidy the night of the dance. Toby is as perplexed as Ezra and shows Ezra a picture of the expensive dress Cassidy bought for the dance—a picture that she had excitedly texted to Toby. Shaking, Ezra is sure that Cassidy lied to him and that she had fully intended to go to the dance with him. He relays every detail he can think of to Toby, hoping that they can figure out what is going on. Ezra finally understands that Toby is his true friend and is grateful for his help.

Ezra’s mother is waiting for him that evening with pumpkins and tools for carving them, misguidedly thinking that this activity with her will cheer him up. Ezra carves his pumpkin while his mom quizzes him, eventually suggesting that he meet with his therapist. When Ezra resists, she tells him that he either goes to the therapist appointment or loses his car privileges, ending the pumpkin-carving activity on a slightly sour note. Saturday is Halloween, and since Ezra is not invited to Luke’s floating movie theater, he goes to Jill’s party rather than stay home. He dresses minimally as a vampire and joins the party when most of the guests are already drunk. Charlotte is dressed as a sexy Disney princess and is very unsteady. Ezra, tired and not enjoying the party, makes his way out but is stopped by Charlotte, who flirtatiously asks Ezra to follow her. They end up in the laundry room, where Charlotte tells Ezra that she wishes they were still together and that she and Evan have had a fight. Charlotte squeezes Ezra’s leg and positions her face so that Ezra can kiss her. When he doesn’t, Charlotte pouts and reminds Ezra of all the fun times they had together, making him smile—mostly at how long ago and how childish that all seems to him now. Charlotte misinterprets his smile and continues to flirt, telling him that they can pretend that “the last five months never happened” (282). Ezra is unmoved, thinking about all the times Charlotte manipulated him. Ezra tries to let her down gently, seeing how horrified she is at being rejected. He tells her that they are not compatible and shares that he imagines leaving Eastwood. Charlotte, confused, asks how anyone could hate Eastwood, to which Ezra replies: “You see perfection, I see panopticon” (283). Charlotte doesn’t understand and criticizes Ezra for using “big words.” She continues flirting with him, until the subject of prom night comes up. This is the first time they have spoken about the night of the accident. Charlotte brings it up incidentally while criticizing Ezra for not taking her to the prom. Stunned, Ezra reminds her that he was in the hospital that night after having found her with another guy. Charlotte gets flustered but persists, insisting it wasn’t her fault, giving a host of ridiculous excuses for leaving him after the accident: “I’m terrible with blood, I probably would have fainted” (285). Disgusted, Ezra turns and leaves, realizing that he is nothing like the person Charlotte imagines him to be and that she does not know him at all.