47 pages • 1 hour read
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“Sometimes you just need to wing it. These are words I never say to my clients. I truly do believe in the mindful storing of food, according to activity. Are you baking? Are you snacking? Are you breakfasting? But over the past few years, I find that I’m doing all of those things at once. In a dirty pair of sweatpants. I’m starting to think there aren’t enough labeled glass jars to contain the mess that is my life.”
Ali’s disorganized personal space and haphazard attire reflect her state of mind at the novel’s start. Losing her mother, Fancy, and separating from her husband, Pete, in the past two years left her feeling immobilized and trapped. In the past, organization and cleanliness helped Ali feel empowered and engaged in her life. Her inability to use these healthy coping mechanisms in the present conveys the profundity of her complex emotions and the obstacles she faces in subsequent chapters.
“Because now I feel fifteen percent better. I’m going to make a real break from Pete. I’m going to figure out how to make my own money. I know exactly how many boxes of cornstarch I have now. ‘Fancy keeps sending me signs. We’re going to have a champagne summer.’”
Telling Pete that she’s ready to pursue divorce proceedings helps Ali remember that she’s in control of her life. She has been separated from Pete for one year, but the couple has done nothing to formalize the end of their marriage. Once Ali agrees to see a mediator, she feels lighter and more capable of exercising her agency. She’s channeling Fancy’s memory in this moment as a way to be more present and embrace this new era of her life.
“I pull my ring off and spin it on its side. When it lands, I open my spice cabinet and place it on top of the cinnamon. I take a deep breath as the smell of coffee fills the quiet kitchen. I run my unjeweled, un-spoken-for fingers through my hair. Outside my window, the geraniums are going strong. It’s Wednesday and I don’t have to see Pete on Wednesdays. I have the sense that I am a limb that went numb, and I am starting to tingle again.”
Thematically, removing her wedding band is one of the first steps Ali takes toward Embracing Balance, Happiness, and Change. She has worn the ring throughout the year since
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By Annabel Monaghan
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