Starfish

Bullies like Marissa and Kortnee often liken Ellie to a whale, a jab at her weight; accordingly, Ellie sees herself as a whale, defining herself only by her size without consideration for her other traits. While the whale begins as a negative symbol for Ellie, as her perspective of herself evolves, so does the connotation of the whale symbol.

The book Ellie chooses for a school project mirrors and reframes her sense of self. Ellie is drawn to the book because its protagonist, a whale, sings a song that others can’t hear—and “I know what it’s like / not to be heard” (105). When Marissa mocks Ellie’s selection, their English teacher reminds Marissa that “Whales are / unique, / beautiful, / and powerful” (106). These positive traits also apply to Ellie herself.

In Poem 115: “I’m Ellie,” Ellie relates the whale in her book to her own struggles. She shares her favorite quote from the book with her class: “The whale ‘didn’t need to be fixed. / He was the whale who / sang his own song’” (184). This epitomizes Ellie’s final revelation, that her problems lie with those who dehumanize her because of her weight. Here, the whale becomes a symbol of self-acceptance and positive self-expression.

At the end of the novel, in Poem 148: “Whaling Wall,” Ellie notices a whale mural in her hometown that she hadn’t noticed before. As she looks at the whales, Ellie realizes that she hadn’t noticed their beauty before, and relates this to how she’s missed the beauty in herself for so long: “[The whales] swim. / They’re smart. / They have huge hearts. / And they have a voice” (242). These are all traits Ellie has demonstrated throughout the narrative. In the final lines of the poem, Ellie thinks that “[The whales] are big. / They’re amazing creatures. / And they’re beautiful” (242). This symbolizes Ellie’s growth into someone able to appreciate her own beauty and realize her own worth. The whale as a symbol transforms as Ellie’s perspective of herself transforms, reflecting the theme of Self-Acceptance: Being Comfortable Taking Up Space.

Ellie’s Fat Girl Rules are a motif that communicate the negative image she has of herself and her world. These rules are some of the first things Ellie communicates to the reader. In Poem 4: “Fat Girl Rules,” Ellie explains the core of her rules: “You don’t deserve / to be seen or heard, / to take up room, / to be noticed. / Make yourself small” (5). She must overcome the Fat Girl Rules to resolve her conflicts.

Whenever the Fat Girl Rules appear in the narrative, they give insight into how Ellie views herself and her world—as things to loathe. Although the rules make Ellie feel safe as she tries to navigate a world wherein she is bullied and abused, Dr. Wood helps her see their true damage in Poem 110: “What Do I Want?” Here, Dr. Wood says that “The problem with / the Fat Girl Rules is / you’ve let them not only / decide how you’re going to live, / but also define who you are” (174). In Poem 120: “Starting Over,” Ellie burns her Fat Girl Rules, symbolizing that she, too, recognizes their harm. However, in Poem 121: “All Figured Out,” Ellie realizes that the rules, however restrictive, provided her with a framework in which she felt safe; without the rules, she feels lost, like a puppy who’s lived its whole life caged and suddenly finds itself free (195). The Fat Girl Rules demonstrate how Ellie has shrunk herself to fit into a society that dehumanizes her, all in the hopes of being worthy of love. Ultimately, she learns that the Fat Girl Rules are a cage, no matter how familiar—one she dismantles in order to fully embrace self-acceptance and self-worth.