Sorrow and Bliss

Sorrow and Bliss (2020) is a novel by Australian writer Meg Mason. It follows the narrator Martha’s experience with mental illness, and how she ends up pushing away the people closest to her before eventually finding her way back to them again. The book explores themes of motherhood, mental illness, and the importance of communication in relationships.

Mason has written for newspapers and magazines, including The Financial Times and The Times of London. Sorrow and Bliss is her second novel; her debut novel, You Be Mother (2017), and her memoir, Say It Again In A Nice Voice (2012), also explore similar ideas and themes about motherhood.

This guide uses the HarperCollins Kindle Edition.

Content Warning: The source text features scenes of mental illness, substance use and addiction, suicide and suicidal ideation, and child loss. There are also references to domestic abuse, both physical and verbal.

Plot Summary

Martha Friel recounts the story of her life until age 41. While the timeline of the plot in this overview is chronological, the narrative in the book occasionally features disjointed recollections of incidents from different points in her life.

Martha is the older daughter of poet Fergus Russell and moderately famous sculptor Celia Barry. Her sister, Ingrid, is 15 months younger. The sisters grow up in a house paid for by Celia’s older sister, Winsome, who married a wealthy man. Winsome lives in Belgravia with her husband, Rowland, and three children Nicholas, Oliver, and Jessamine. Celia is not especially domestic, but throws extravagant parties during which she is the center of attention.

Christmases are always spent in Belgravia. When Martha is 16, she meets Oliver’s 13-year-old friend Patrick for the first time when Oliver invites him for Christmas, as Patrick’s father forgets to buy him a ticket home. Patrick subsequently spends every Christmas at Belgravia.

When Martha is 17, she experiences a mental health crisis. Fergus takes Martha to a doctor, who diagnoses her with glandular fever. Martha slowly feels better and begins university in September, but is unable to keep up with the lectures and assignments. She is put on academic probation before Christmas. Over the holidays, she almost jumps off the balcony at home; when Fergus finds out, he takes her to a different doctor who prescribes antidepressants and warns Martha against getting pregnant, as the medication is dangerous for a fetus.

Martha goes back to university and eventually graduates, getting a job as a writer. She has depression for most of her twenties and thirties. She meets her first husband, Jonathan Strong, when she is 25, at a party thrown by her publisher, Peregrine. Martha is charmed by Jonathan despite his condescending and problematic behavior, and accepts his proposal after just a few weeks of dating. Her entire family, including Patrick, is present for the proposal, and later that night Martha learns from Oliver that Patrick has been in love with Martha for the past 10 years.

Although Martha doesn’t want children, Jonathan convinces her otherwise, and they agree to start trying on their honeymoon. However, Jonathan spends the entire trip partying, leaving Martha alone in the hotel. On the way back to London, Martha experiences another mental health crisis. Jonathan grows tired of her crying very quickly, and asks for an annulment. Martha moves back in with her parents, and Jonathan tells her it is a good thing she didn’t get pregnant. On the day Martha signs the annulment papers, she outright asks Patrick if he loves her, and he denies it, leaving Martha stung by the double rejection. Peregrine suggests Martha go to Paris to heal her heartbreak, giving her the keys to his own pied-à-terre in the city.

Martha lives in Paris for four years, returning to London a month after Peregrine passes away in an accident. Ingrid gets married, and Martha reunites with Patrick at the wedding, having developed feelings for him. They begin spending more time together. Shortly after, Ingrid finds out she is pregnant, and Patrick leaves to work in Uganda for almost half a year. Martha misses him intensely. He returns on Christmas Eve, and Ingrid gives birth at Belgravia the next day. Martha confesses her love for Patrick, and he immediately asks her to marry him, admitting he lied when she first asked him about his feelings.

Martha and Patrick are briefly happy, until Patrick begins to get busier with work, and Martha feels lonely. She has another mental health crisis, waking up in a breathless panic and having to visit the ER. Patrick suggests they leave London, and the couple move to Oxford. She sees multiple doctors and takes different medication, until finally stopping all of it. Ingrid has two more children and moves out of London, 40 minutes away from Martha.

Martha becomes pregnant around her fifth wedding anniversary. She decides not to keep the baby, but acquiesces to Patrick’s request that they wait a few days. However, she miscarries the day of the appointment. Later that night, she dreams of the baby, and tries to jump off a footbridge in the middle of the night until Patrick finds and stops her. Patrick and Martha try counseling, but give up after a single session.

Three years later, Martha meets one of Patrick’s colleagues who is married to a psychiatrist. Martha likes the woman, and decides to visit her husband, Robert, after four years of not meeting any doctors. Robert gives Martha an accurate, unnamed diagnosis, and prescribes medication. Martha learns afterward that Celia always knew Martha had the condition, as it runs in the family and Celia herself has it. Martha is furious with her mother, and with Patrick as well, for not having recognized the illness despite him being a doctor. Martha’s anger intensifies when she learns from Robert that her current medication and illness do not disqualify her from pregnancy. She finally admits that she has always wanted a child, and feels robbed of the opportunity.

While Martha feels better, her behavior toward Patrick grows more contemptuous and mean. Patrick plans a party for Martha’s 40th birthday, but she is ungrateful and petty throughout. The couple have a huge fight after, in which Martha finally reveals her diagnosis, and Patrick confesses he already knows, as he recognized the new medication she is on. He also reveals he has always known that Martha wants a child, but doesn’t think she should be a mother, as her behavior toward him recently reflects her true character, not her illness. Patrick walks out of the marriage.

A heartbroken Martha is left feeling lonelier when an unsympathetic Ingrid is tired of dealing with her. She calls Celia out of desperation, and Celia helps Martha through the daily motions of life. Martha learns that Celia has stopped drinking ever since their last fight. Celia explains how Martha’s illness changed her own perspective on pain, allowing her to see that it might have a purpose. She points out how Martha’s personal tragedy affects other people as well, suggesting Martha make amends with those she has hurt.

Martha apologizes to the people she has pushed away. She moves back in with her parents, and begins reading and writing in a journal. On her wedding anniversary, she gets a message from Patrick, who wants to collect some of his things from storage. Martha accidentally leaves her journal behind at the facility, which Patrick reads before she returns for it. They discuss how sometimes their marriage was awful, but most of the time it was amazing. Martha realizes she wants Patrick back, and that she has always had everything she has ever wanted or needed. Patrick asks that they try again, but that they live separately while they do so.

Fergus becomes an Instagram-famous poet who finally publishes an anthology. Ingrid has a fourth child, whom she names “Winnie” in honor of Winsome. Celia creates a beautiful sculpture of Martha that is sought out by the Tate museum. Martha and Patrick continue to work on their relationship: Some days are good, some are bad, but they are grateful they have each other, and even hopeful of having a baby someday.