Slouching Towards Bethlehem

The essay begins with a snippet of dialogue that Didion has written in a notebook: “That woman Estelle […] is partly the reason why George Sharp and I are separated today” (131). Didion searches for the reason why she wrote it down, noting that she overheard it at a bar before heading to New York for lunch, and she recalls wanting to stay in the bar and talk to the woman rather than head into the city. Didion wanted to remember this moment, which is why she wrote it down but is no longer able to recall what she wanted to remember or what use there was in the writing. She notes that writing things down is a compulsive behavior for her; the usefulness of her notes are beside the point.

Didion’s notebooks are not diaries or an attempt to keep a factual record. In fact, she admits that her notebook is often full of lies, and she is frequently criticized for her memory, which is full of fabrications. It’s more that her notebooks are “How it felt to me” (135). Didion claims that she sometimes deludes herself into thinking that the notebook is about preserving the image of other people before admitting that it’s always about who she was in the moment.