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“Dreams and a restlessness of the soul came to him, arising from the smoke of the sacrifices, emanating from the verses of the Rig-Veda, trickling down from the teachings of the old Brahmins.”
At the beginning of the book, Siddhartha wanders around the garden of his home, feeling no joy despite the happiness he inspires in everyone around him. He questions his Brahmin upbringing and the doctrines passed down to him. He starts to feel discontented and begins to reject the taught religion of his ancestors. The urge to start his spiritual quest is forming.
“But where was this Self, this innermost? It was not flesh or bone, it was not thought or consciousness. That was what the wise men taught. Where, then, was it? To press towards the Self, towards Atman—was there another way that was worth seeking?”
Siddhartha has many questions about Atman (the soul) and its whereabouts, its nature, and how to reach it. None of the wise men he knows have reached it or been able to answer him. These are the questions that make of him a seeker and drive him to start his quest.
“‘Will you go on standing and waiting until it is day, noon, evening?’
‘I will stand and wait.’
‘You will grow tired, Siddhartha.’
‘I will grow tired.’
‘You will fall asleep, Siddhartha.’
‘I will not fall asleep.’
‘You will die, Siddhartha.’
‘I will die.’
‘And would you rather die than obey your father?’
‘Siddhartha has always obeyed his father.’
‘So you will give up your project?’
‘Siddhartha will do what his father tells him.’”
When Siddhartha tells his father he wants to leave home and join the Samanas, his father is unhappy and forbids it. Siddhartha stays standing still with his arms folded until daybreak. This dialogue between Siddhartha and his father show the strength of Siddhartha’s resolve and his determined personality. After this exchange, his father feels his son has already left and tells him to go.
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