See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love

See No Stranger, written by Valarie Kaur, was published in 2020 and was a finalist for the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. This mixed genre memoir-manifesto addresses post-9/11 anti-Arab hate crimes and institutional bias by manifesting an approach to living guided by revolutionary love. Rooted in Sikhism, Kaur’s approach explores what it truly means to love others in the 21st century. She offers guidance on how to connect with and fight for the marginalized communities in our nation. As an Indian Sikh woman who grew up in a white, Christian city in America, Kaur is in a unique position to share her experience. As a lawyer, activist, and filmmaker, she witnessed the impact of the government stigmatizing turban-wearing people of color through the media. Kaur offers specific direction to her readers concerning Empathizing With Marginalized Communities, Facing an Opponent, and Dealing With the Most Challenging Moments in Life.

This study guide refers to the 2020 Kindle e-book edition.

Content Warning: The source material features depictions of racism, sexual assault, and gun violence. This guide mentions the use of the n-word.

Summary

Valarie Kaur grew up on a farm in Clovis, California, surrounded by a close-knit family of Indian American Sikhs. As she lived in a mostly white and Christian community, Kaur experienced the hardships of racial and religious profiling from the time she was a child. This only worsened after her junior year at Stanford University, when the 9/11 attacks occurred and a South Asian, turban-wearing man was identified as the central culprit by media stations across the states. The increase in hate crimes against South Asian communities was immediate. On September 15, Balbir Singh Sodhi, a close family friend of Kaur’s, was shot and killed in an act of hate.

Wanting to defend the Sikh community, Kaur proposed that her thesis research focus on post-9/11 hate crimes in America. Her proposal was approved and funded, and she and her cousin spent months traveling across the US filming the stories of those affected by hate crimes. Valarie returned to campus and got involved in a romantic relationship with Ram Singh, a Sikh medical student. Their relationship soured because Ram consistently criticized Kaur, who acknowledges she tolerated this behavior for longer than she should have. Meanwhile, America’s post-9/11 decisions continued to cause damage to South Asian communities as thousands were deported. Kaur began taking part in anti-war protests and finally ended her relationship with Ram.

Later, Kaur met Sharat Raju and fell in love. She discovered she had vaginismus because of being sexually assaulted as a teen and worked through the challenges of this diagnosis. Before graduate school, she attended a nonviolent protest, where she was arrested and assaulted by a police lieutenant. She was held for 16 hours before she was released and received medical care. She went to Harvard Divinity School and continued to struggle with chronic pain in her shoulder and neck.

Kaur took Sharat and his family to visit her family. Roshan, the cousin who abused her as a teen, threatened to kill Sharat because he was not Sikh. Her brother, Sanjeev, talked him down. Six months later, Roshan called, and Kaur agreed to meet him. He pulled out a gun, but she walked away unharmed. Papa Ji did not want her to call the police, but with the support of other family members, Kaur reported Roshan, and he was arrested. Kaur left Clovis as this resulted in a lot of conflict within her family. When Papa Ji began struggling with his health, Kaur returned to Clovis but was unable to make amends with her grandfather.

Kaur decided to attend Yale Law School. During clinics, she worked on a case in New Haven in which police officers were abusing Latinx citizens. She won the case and worked with the community to plan how their police department would be reformed. On behalf of a professor, she took the opportunity to fly to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, as a legal observer. She concluded that the decisions being made there were not based on legal precedent. Kaur and Sharat then created the Yale Visual Law Project, which focused on teaching law students how to make films for social change. Together, they made a film about Northern, a supermax prison near Yale. The prison began to shut down because of their film, but Kaur found that numbers increased again in a few years. She concludes that the prison system itself needs to be reimagined.

Sharat proposed, and the couple married on New Year’s Eve. Afterward, Kaur started Groundswell, an online community that connects religious leaders around social justice. She worked on this in New York while continuing to work on the Yale Visual Law Project. After many years of physical pain, Kaur received an endometriosis diagnosis, and surgery was recommended.

Then, on August 5, 2012, there was a mass shooting in Oak Creek, Wisconsin, at a Sikh gurdwara. Seven died, including the gunperson. Kaur flew to Oak Creek to pursue advocacy for Sikh communities. She grieved with the families and worked with the media to bring as much attention to the tragedy as she could. She and Sharat also put together a film based on these events.

After three months, she returned home, had surgery for endometriosis, and left on a two-month backpacking honeymoon with Sharat. Before their trip ended, she overcame her struggle with vaginismus and engaged in pleasurable intercourse with Sharat. Kaur returned to her childhood home when she was told her father’s mother was dying. She had treated Kaur’s mother poorly all her life, but Kaur saw that her mother forgave her as she helped her through her final days. Kaur began to desire that kind of reconciliation in her own life. She reached out to Roshan by phone, and they established some closure.

Kaur discovered she was pregnant and gave birth to a boy, Kavi Singh Raju. Internally, Kaur worked to distinguish between two contrasting voices in her head: the Little Critic and the Wise Woman. She labored to quiet the Little Critic and listen to the Wise Woman. Hate crimes against South Asian communities continued, and she feared for her son’s life. Trump was elected to office, and she was beyond disappointed. By focusing on spending time with her son, she found joy again.

When the 15th anniversary of Balbir Singh Sodhi’s murder arrived, she returned to the gas station where it happened along with other family and friends. Each year, they come together to honor Balbir and share food around his plaque. When speaking to Balbir’s brother, Rana, Kaur asked if he would speak to his brother’s murderer if given the chance, and he said he would. Kaur hosted a phone conversation between the two, and Rana was able to find some closure.

The book ends recounting when Kaur was informed that her friend, Joyce, was dying. She went to help Joyce transition into this new realm. Joyce passed, and Kaur realized she was pregnant again. She fondly began referring to her child as “Little Joy” and later named her Ananda (meaning joy) when she is born. She concludes the book by emphasizing the value of hope and joy in changing the world.