Secret Daughter

The novel opens with Kavita, a pregnant woman in rural India, about to give birth. Alone as night begins to fall, Kavita lies on a mat on the mud floor of her village’s birthing hut. Through the contractions, she thinks back to the last time she was pregnant, remembering that period with a sense of dread and unease: “A sudden fear grips her, the same suffocating fear she has felt throughout this pregnancy” (6).

Kavita recalls the traumatic experience of her first pregnancy. Moments after the umbilical cord was cut between Kavita and her newborn baby girl, Jasu (Kavita’s husband) entered the hut and a “shadow crossed his face,” upon seeing his daughter (6). Still weak from having just been in labor, Kavita could not resist when Jasu tore the baby from her arms to dispose of the child, a not uncommon practice for poor rural families in India at that time: “Like so many baby girls, her [Kavita’s] firstborn would be returned to the earth long before her time […] Whether she was drowned, suffocated, or simply left to starve, Kavita hoped only that death came quickly, mercifully” (7). Kavita went into a period of deep grief after the death of her firstborn, and she received no emotional support from her community during this time: “In the home they shared with Jasu’s family, she was given only scornful glances and uninvited counsel on how to conceive a boy next time” (7). When Kavita learned that she was pregnant again, she resolves to act differently.

Somer lives in San Francisco with her husband, Krishnan (Kris). Both Somer and Kris are doctors and live a comfortably upper middle-class lifestyle. Chapter 2 opens with Somer experiencing a sharp pain in her abdomen, and she stumbles into the bathroom of her large Victorian flat. She sees blood dripping down her thigh, and thinks to herself “No. Oh god, please no” (10). When Kris arrives home, he finds Somer with a plush towel between her legs, completely soaked with blood. Kris comforts Somer and says he will call their doctor and head to the hospital; Somer remarks that what she is experiencing is “just like last time” (10).

At the hospital, it is confirmed that Somer is experiencing a miscarriage, and she undergoes a procedure to remove the remnants of the fetus from her uterus. Her doctor reports that Somer is “all clean” when the procedure is over; and this phrase brings Somer no comfort. She asks Kris: “He said clean. Dr. Hayworth said I was clean now. What was I before/ When I was pregnant?” (11). Somer struggles with infertility, and she is consumed with grief at yet another miscarriage. Their doctor tells Somer that they can try again for a child next month, but Somer wonders if this is a sign.

As the pain intensifies, Kavita is closer and closer to giving birth. Kavita’s midwife arranges Kavita’s legs wide open and positions herself in between them. After a few pushes, Kavita hears the “reassuring cries” of her baby; however, when the midwife places the child in Kavita’s arms, Kavita is devastated to see that the newborn is a baby girl.

The next morning, Kavita rests in the hut with her newborn daughter sleeping peacefully beside her. Jasu enters the hut and his joy quickly turns sorrow when he realizes that Kavita has given birth to yet another daughter. Jasu shouts at Kavita: “Arre! Another girl? What is the matter with you? Let me see!” (15). Kavita, however, will not let him near the baby and defiantly tells him that she will not allow him to take him from her. Jasu’s face softens, and he explains to Kavita why they cannot keep the child: Because they need a boy to help them tend to the fields, and they are so poor that they will not be able to provide a dowry. Kavita begins weeping and begs him for just one night with her daughter; she threatens that she will “ruin” her body so that she will never be able to give Jasu the son he so desires. Jasu gives silent consent as he leaves the hut. 

Soon after her last miscarriage, Somer returns to her work as a pediatrician, and Chapter 2 opens with Somer attending to an infant with a fever. Somer reflects on why she loves her work: “She can walk into a room with a crying child and an anxious mother and know that when she leaves, they will both feel better” (18). When the appointment with the feverish infant is over, Somer returns to her private office and closes the door. At her desk, there is a plastic model of a human heart, which was a gift from Kris when they both graduated from medical school.

Somer thinks back to nearly a decade ago when she and Kris met at Stanford’s School of Medicine. Kris is Indian, and Somer was immediately taken by Kris’s “British-infused accent, which sounded worldly compared to her nondescript Californian tone” (20). Soon after their meeting, they were inseparable and began studying together every evening. In their final year of school, when they began discussing their choice of residency programs, they both decided to apply for spots at the University of California at San Francisco, with Somer applying to their program in pediatrics and Kris to neurosurgery. Kris suggests that they apply as a married couple to increase their odds of getting in—and, in doing so, Kris proposes to Somer. Somer gladly accepts. A loud knock at the door jolts Somer from her memories from that time. She looks away from the plastic model of a human heart and returns to work.

With her newborn daughter in tow, Kavita leaves from Dahanu early the next day with her sister, Rupa. They are headed to an orphanage in Bombay, where Kavita has made the difficult decision to give her daughter up for adoption. The journey into the city will take several hours; Kavita and Rupa make their way by hitching a ride in the wagon of a bullock cart. Having just given birth the day before, Kavita’s body is sore: “With every bump of the bullock cart on the dusty road, another jolt of pain shoots through her pelvis. Kavita has been bleeding since soon after they began walking this morning” (25). Kavita decides that she will name her daughter Usha, which means “dawn” in Hindi. Kavita slips one of the two thin silver bangles from her wrist onto Usha’s ankle. Kavita considers what will become of Usha: “Usha will never know her parents, but she has a chance at life, and that will have to be enough” (26).

Somer sinks into a deep depression after her latest miscarriage. She attempts to attend the baby shower of her friend and colleague Gabi, but when someone asks if Somer plans on having children, Somer flees the party. Sitting on the street outside Gabi’s home, Somer thinks back on her history with infertility. Because Somer and Kris were not ready for children, when her first pregnancy resulted in miscarriage, they told themselves it was “for the best” (29). However, now, Somer yearns for a child and is frustrated and sad that she cannot maintain a pregnancy: “With each passing year and every negative pregnancy test, that void in their lives has grown until it has become an unwelcome member of their family, wedging itself between her and Krishnan” (30). 

Kavita and Rupa arrive in Bombay, hungry and thirsty. They make their way through the busy, crowded streets toward the Shanti Home for Children. All the while, people on the street shun them for “their conspicuous bare feet and rural garb” (30).

When they arrive at the orphanage, Kavita is consumed with dread: “Who will take care of my baby? This woman? Will she love Usha? Kavita’s mouth feels dry and dusty” (32). As Rupa and Kavita make their way inside the orphanage to their administrative offices, Kavita feels increasingly distraught. When they sit in front of the orphanage director—a “middle-aged man with a mop of black hair,” who is “squinting at a typewriter through horn-rimmed glasses”—Kavita can barely answer the man’s questions (33). When the time comes for Kavita to finally hand over Usha, her sadness consumes her, and she completely disassociates from herself: “All Kavita can hear is screaming. As she feels Usha pried from her hands, she hears only the screaming inside her head, then the shrieks coming from her own mouth. She hears Usha wailing” (34). Kavita can still hear Usha crying, as Rupa leads her out of the orphanage, through the metal gate, and back onto the street. 

Somer has been seeing a fertility specialist, but she still cannot conceive a child. She learns that, at 31 years old, she has a condition called Premature Ovarian Failure, which causes the onset of early menopause in women; Somer’s doctor informs her that, by the following year, she will no longer be able to have children. Though Somer is devastated, Kris reminds her that they have “other options” for having a child. He asks her if she has given any more thought to adoption at an orphanage in Bombay, where Kris’s mother is a patron. Somer is hesitant, but Kris emphasizes that there are “all kinds of families,” not just ones that are related by blood ties (37).

Somer goes for a run near the Golden Gate Park to clear her head, and when she returns home, Kris has left her a note saying that he’s gone to the hospital for the day. Alone in the house, Somer has a sudden outpouring of emotion: “She lets out the deep, horrible wails waiting just below the surface” (38). Later, after Somer has collected herself, she sips a glass of wine on their couch as she reviews the paperwork sent by Kris’s mother on adopting from the orphanage in Bombay. 

Back from Bombay, Kavita is still heartbroken after having had to give Usha up for adoption, but she takes comfort in an early morning ritual that she has created for herself: “Kavita arises before dawn […] to bathe and perform her puja while everyone else still sleeps” (40). Kavita tries to go about her normal, daily life with Jasu, but she is haunted by thoughts of her daughter. She imagines Usha growing up in the orphanage: “She pictures Usha as a little girl, her hair wound in two braids, each tied with a white ribbon” (41).  

Months later, Kavita learns that she is pregnant again and cannot bear the thought that she may be carrying yet another girl. When she finally tells Jasu, he suggests that they go to a new medical clinic that has just opened up in a nearby village, where Kavita can have an ultrasound to confirm the gender of the child. Kavita agrees, even while knowing that if the child is revealed to be a girl, her options are limited and none of them are good; Jasu may force an abortion or throw her out of their home. Still, Kavita feels any of these outcomes is preferable to the trauma of giving birth to yet another child that must be taken away from her. 

Somer goes to visit her parents in San Diego for the weekend, for some time away from Kris, to recuperate from the trauma that she will never be able to conceive children of her own, and also to deliver the news to her parents.

While Somer’s father—who is also a physician—is away at the hospital, Somer and her mother catch up over tea at Somer’s parents’ home. Before long, Somer reveals to her mother what has been going on for the past few months. Somer’s mother squeezes her hand and expresses her empathy; Somer’s mother also reveals that she too struggled with infertility, and that it was difficult for Somer’s father to completely understand why the entire experience was so devastating for her. When Somer poses the idea of adoption, her mother says she thinks it is a “wonderful idea.” Somer cries as her mother tells her that she thinks Somer will be a wonderful mother. On the flight home to San Francisco, Somer reviews the adoption paperwork again, thinking about how she will be saving a child’s life and how perhaps it is fate that is leading her to this choice: “Maybe there was a reason for all our pain. Perhaps this is what we’re meant to do” (47).

Kavita and Jasu go to a new medical clinic in a nearby town, where Kavita will have an ultrasound to learn the gender of her unborn child. Both Kavita and Jasu are elated and relieved to learn that they are having a “healthy boy” (49). Kavita finally allows herself to feel a connection to the child.

As the months wear on, Kavita’s pregnancy is much different this time; Jasu’s family pampers her right up until her first labor pains. After delivery, she watches Jasu cradling their son with a mixture of joy for the present and sadness over what happened with her previous two children: “For years, she has longed for this moment. Now that it has come, it is laced with sorrow from the past” (50). 

Somer and Kris decide that they will adopt, and they set about completing the administrative procedures and paperwork. Finally, one day, an envelope addressed to Somer and Kris arrives in the mail with the information on the child who will be their daughter. Somer rushes the envelope to the hospital where Kris is working, and they open it together. Looking at a photo of the child—a 10-month-old baby curly hair and a silver anklet. Kris decides that they will name her Asha, an Indian name meaning “hope.”

Somer and Kris take the 27-hour flight to Bombay to collect Asha and bring her home. In a taxi from the airport to the orphanage, Somer looks at the city skyline, and Kris points out sights along the way. They will stay with Kris’s family, in Kris’s childhood home, for the duration of their stay. Somer is excited, but also worried at the prospect of spending so much time with Kris’s family. 

Chapter 13 is written from the perspective of Sarla Thakkar, Kris’s mother: “Sarla Thakkar looks in the mirror as she winds her waist-length hair into its customary bun and pins it tightly in place” (56). Sarla readies herself at her and her husband’s sprawling family home, anticipating the arrival of Somer and Kris from San Francisco to Bombay. Sarla thinks back on how she can hardly believe that a decade has passed since Kris left India to begin his life in the United States. Sarla also reflects on how she has always longed for a daughter—“some female company in this house full of men” (58). She had hoped that Somer, as her daughter-in-law, might fill this role, but Somer’s American heritage caused a rift between them. Thinking now about Asha’s impending arrival, Sarla is excited that, with the arrival of her granddaughter, she will be able to welcome a female presence into her life. 

On her first morning in Bombay, Somer wakes up with an upset stomach from having consumed too much of Kris’s family’s homemade Indian food the evening before. She reflects upon how she feels out of place among Kris’s family, not only because of her inability to tolerate spicy food, but for many other reasons related to her Americanness and her whiteness. Despite feelings of ostracization, Somer tells herself to stay focused on her one true mission: She is there to collect the child that will become her daughter.

Later that day, Somer and Kris head to the adoption office, where they learn there is a delay in having their paperwork approved and so they cannot bring Asha home right away. Kris is furious, and he curses Indian bureaucracy for being so inefficient. Kris also gets irritated with Somer for wondering why the officer at the adoption agency—another man—did not address her in the office; he reminds her that her “American ideas” will not always be welcomed or appropriate in India (62). 

Kavita convalesces at her parents’ home for 40 days after the birth of her son, as is customary in Indian culture. While there, Kavita delights tending to the child: “The baby gurgles as Kavita kneads coconut oil into his pudgy frog legs” (64). Still, through the joy of her son’s early infancy, Kavita cannot help but think back on the daughters that she has lost over the years: “What about the other times I've carried a baby in my womb, given birth, held my child in my arms” (65). Even at the naming ceremony for her son, Kavita still cannot get her lost daughters off her mind. At the naming ceremony, Jasu decides that the child’s name will be Vijay, which means “victory” in Hindi.

The next morning, Kris tells Somer that he will see some old friends from high school that day, so Somer can spend the day with Kris’s mother, if she likes. However, as soon as Kris leaves, Somer instead decides that she will go off by herself for a while. Walking along the boardwalk, Somer purchases a burger for herself—made of lamb, not beef, which is forbidden in Hindu culture. On her way back to Kris’s family’s home, she gets leering stares from the men on the street, and Somer thinks “disgusting pigs” to herself (70). Somer puts her leftovers in the fridge and lies down for a nap until Kris returns.

Somer wakes from her nap to the noise of slamming pots and pans. Kris is back, and he informs her that his mother is livid upon finding the meat leftovers in her fridge, as Sarla is a strict vegetarian. Somer tries to apologize to for her mistake, but it falls flat; Sarla responds by saying “what is done is done” and continues to sanitize every pot and pan in her household to purify it from coming into contact with meat. 

Chapter 17 is written from Kris’s perspective. The adoption papers for Asha are finally approved, and Somer and Kris decide to celebrate that evening with dinner at the Taj Mahal Hotel. At dinner, over wine and in a tipsy state, Somer complains about how difficult she has found things to be in India; and as she talks, Kris’s mind wanders to how he knew, all along, that this day would come when trying to reckon with the clash between Somer and his cultures.

The next day, Somer and Kris return to the plain concrete building of the adoption center. Inside, they complete the last bit of paperwork to finalize the adoption. The baby is brought out and handed to Kris. Somer joins them, and “all three of them embrace” (78). However, when Somer tries to hold Asha, she “clings tightly to Kris’s neck like a koala” (78).  

Chapter 18 is written from Sarla’s perspective. Back at Kris’s parents family home, Sarla fawns over her new granddaughter Asha: “‘What a beautiful baby she is. Hello, Asha beti,’ Sarla reaches over to touch the child’s cheek” (79). She observes how unsure Somer is of herself as a mother and thinks how good it is that Somer is absorbed into a larger Indian family so she can have many people helping her. Sarla does not understand how new mothers in America survive without this kind of extended support network.

That evening, they hold a dinner at their home to celebrate Asha’s arrival in their family. They eat saag paneer, vegetable pulao, and puris, among many other traditional Indian dishes. At the end of the lavish meal, Sarla brings out a gift for Asha: A tiny set of anklets adorned with silver bells, called a jhanjhaar. As Sarla explains, it is customary for little girls to wear a jhanjhaar, so their parents can keep tabs on her. Sarla also gives a gift to Somer, a “lustrous silk shawl in the shade of bright peacock green” (83).

Somer and Kris return to San Francisco. On their flight there, they take turns staying awake to watch Asha, who lies sleeping in the seat between them. Once home, Somer still has trouble adjusting to life as a mother—it seems that her instincts for taking care of Asha are off. After a long, sleepless night with Asha up crying, Somer wonders if perhaps she was not fated for motherhood: “Nature already deemed she couldn't be a mother, and now she wonders if they made a mistake. The rational explanations she strains to hear in her head cannot drown out the doubt welling in her heart” (85). Somer reflects on how it had all seemed in India, when she had the support of Kris’s family nearby to help bathe, clothe, and feed Asha. When Somer returns to work at her pediatrics office, she is relieved to feel competent again; however, she has a nagging fear that investing in her career will mean de-vesting in motherhood, and she may never bond properly with Asha.