52 pages • 1 hour read
Regretting You
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Kitchen Door
On her 34th birthday, Morgan begins to contemplate destroying her kitchen door. For Morgan, the kitchen door represents her dissatisfaction with the stable life she has built with Chris. As part of the house they inherited from Chris’s parents, the door symbolizes the sacrifices Morgan made at 17 years old to provide her daughter Clara with the life of stability and attention she never received. At 34, Morgan realizes that her intense focus on her daughter will no longer satisfy her as Clara becomes more independent.
After one of many arguments with Clara, Morgan symbolically takes action against her dissatisfaction by destroying the kitchen door. She begins to “hit the door in the same spot, over and over, until the wood begins to chip” and feels pleasure (131). Morgan’s destruction of the kitchen door marks a transition for her. No longer complacent, Morgan begins to act on her desires and destroy the symbols of her past dissatisfaction. However, she is unable to remove the kitchen door completely on her own. She calls upon Jonah to come and help her remove the door from its hinges. Without question, Jonah aids Morgan on her quest, and together, they dismantle Morgan’s most-hated representation of her “predictable” life with Chris. Hoover places Jonah in this position to demonstrate the role he plays in Morgan’s development. Jonah plays an integral role in Morgan’s growth as he forces Morgan to confront her feelings for him and to live for herself. His role in removing the door illustrates the irreplaceable function he serves in Morgan’s life.
Watermelon Jolly Ranchers
From a young age, watermelon Jolly Ranchers represent the bond between Jonah and Morgan. She describes how, as teenagers, Jonah would save the watermelon-flavored candy for Morgan. In the future, on Morgan’s 34th birthday, Jonah gifts Morgan a bag of the candy as a reminder of their past bond. Immediately after receiving Jonah’s gift, she thinks about how “[she wants] to smile” (46). Despite this instant reaction, Morgan hides her happiness to conceal her true feelings for Jonah. she tries to convince herself “that he doesn’t remember watermelon is [her] favorite flavor” (47). However, this gift causes Morgan to question Jonah’s feelings for her. The candy later solidifies Jonah’s feelings for Morgan when she realizes that Jonah did not save the watermelon candy for her because he did not enjoy them. Instead, Jonah admits he “only saved them because [he] knew they were [her] favorite” (187). This revelation leads to Jonah and Morgan’s first attempt at kissing. Although they do not kiss in this moment, Morgan realizes Jonah’s willingness to sacrifice his own pleasure for her.
Jonah’s unrelenting devotion to Morgan provides her with the safety to confess her feelings and pursue a romantic relationship with him. Ultimately, it is Jonah’s willingness to sacrifice his own happiness for her and for Elijah that leads Morgan to surrender to her deep feelings.
The Birthday Board
Hoover features two pivotal birthdays for Morgan and Clara in the novel. As representations of passing time and transitions, birthdays offer the perfect backdrop for Morgan and Clara’s character development.
Like vision boards, Morgan and Clara’s birthday boards are a tradition that they have upheld since Clara’s eighth birthday. The birthday boards offer a moment of connection for Morgan and Clara even when they struggle to connect. Together, they add their wishes for the upcoming year and reflect on their past desires. The birthday boards offer them both the opportunity to communicate openly and without judgment, which is a rare occurrence in their tumultuous relationship.
On her 34th birthday, Morgan reflects on her last birthday wish to “find something to fill all the empty corners” (49). She realizes that her current feelings of dissatisfaction started before her 34th birthday and admits, “[S]ometimes my chest feels hollow, as if I’ve lived a life with nothing significant enough to fill it” (50). Through a discussion with Clara, Morgan decides to search for her passion and become less predictable. This moment of deep reflection and genuine connection with Clara sets Morgan on a path of self-discovery.
Although Morgan’s journey toward self-discovery is derailed in the aftermath of her sister and husband’s death, the birthday board, and her proclaimed wish, propel Morgan to seek out more. The day after Clara’s birthday, Morgan returns to the birthday board to connect with Clara. Though they have had countless fights in the months leading up to Clara’s birthday, Morgan and Clara seamlessly maintain the tradition of the birthday board. On Clara’s 17th birthday, she shares her wish for her mother’s acceptance and honesty. This causes Morgan to abandon her plans to shield Clara from the truth of her father’s infidelity and to fulfill Clara’s wish for more transparency. As a result, Morgan and Clara break through the barriers to their communication and find reconciliation.
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By Colleen Hoover
