Reasons to Stay Alive

Part 5 is mostly retrospective; here, Haig focuses on his current state of mental health. The first chapter, “In praise of thin skins,” is an inversion of the first chapter, even the first line: “I can remember the day the old me died” (9). The early chapters focus on Haig’s decision to die, his inability to feel hope, and his desire for oblivion. This chapter, by contrast, is about life: “I want life. I want to read it and write it and feel it and live it. I want, for as much of the time as possible in this blink-of-an-eye existence we have, to feel all that can be felt” (219). These chapters “bookend” the narrative, coming full circle. In them, Haig illustrates the internal transformation he has undergone through his journey.

Haig also explores his broader perspective on philosophy and the passage of time, an extension of his examination of the “weapons” he found most beneficial. He gives time, another double-edged device similar to social media, particular attention. Haig portrays time as something that can feel like an adversary when one is in the grip of anxiety or depression; however, embracing it can also be a road to mindful living and healing. Haig suggests that some of the challenges he was facing earlier in his life resulted from struggling against the natural progression of time, rather than falling into rhythm with it. In other chapters, Haig suggests this is not unique to him, but a widespread way of life that is intrinsically damaging.

In Chapter 68, Haig describes visiting his hometown, another “bookend” parallel to the intense obstacles he faced there in earlier chapters. Here, he is able to see his hometown—and himself—with fresh eyes. He gains a deeper perspective of his place in the world.

Chapter 69, “How to live,” is told through a numbered list like many of the preceding chapters; Chapter 70, “Things I have enjoyed since the time I thought I would never enjoy anything again,” breaks this pattern by listing life experiences in an unbroken, stream-of-consciousness style paragraph. The items are detailed in a range of styles, from longer, multi-clause sentences to sentences made of a single-syllable word. The chapter includes a mix of personal experiences; cultural experiences, such as film and music; and universal human experiences. This narrative style, unlike any other chapter structure so far, suggests that Haig is hurtling toward life. He may be encouraging the reader to do the same.