Reasons to Stay Alive

Haig recounts his metaphorical death and the period in which he leaves a carefree youth behind and begins experiencing depression. His depression initially manifests as a physiological sensation which is then exacerbated by his anxiety. At the time, he is 24 and living in Ibiza, Spain, and having trouble facing the next chapter of his life. His anxiety escalates into a mental health crisis; he stays in bed and wishes he’d never been born. Haig thinks about his sister, who is living in another country, and imagines reaching out to her. A few days later, he decides to die by suicide.

This chapter explores why the word “depression” is insufficient, and tries to define the illness in simple terms. Haig explains that depression can affect anyone, and its true cause is still unknown.

Haig prepares to step off a cliff and end his life, leaving his Ibiza villa and family behind. He goes to the cliff edge and finds he’s unable to continue. He catalogs reasons not to die, the most prominent being his girlfriend and family who love him. He goes back to the villa, unharmed.