Quiet Power: The Secret Strength of Introverts

Cain criticizes how society holds extroverts as the social “ideal,” arguing introverts often prefer to keep smaller, quieter circles. One introvert, Gail, keeps three close friends, defining friendship as shared intimacy and vulnerability. Julian had one close friend—Andre—and through that friendship, he branched out and made more acquaintances. Lucy used to pretend to be “bubbly” so she could fit into her friend group, but with time she found she needed more alone time. She was confronted by her friends, who gave her an ultimatum, helping Lucy to realize that some of the girls were not true friends. Similarly, a dancer named Georgia lost superficial friendships after her so-called friends began bullying her for her introverted traits.

Citing Rachel Simmons’ Odd Girl Out, Cain notes that such emotional abuse is common in relationships between younger girls, while boys tend to exhibit more physical aggression with each other. However, boys also display relational aggression, as student Raj learned when his friends turned against him after he was transferred to a more advanced math class. Such relational aggression, according to Cain, is “particularly powerful” when aimed at introverts, who may remain in abusive relationships to avoid total isolation.