Piecing Me Together

Jade and Sam walk into school from the bus stop, and Sam asks Jade if she’ll be able to hang out with her that weekend. However, Jade is booked all weekend between homework and Woman to Woman: “I feel bad that I don’t have any time to hang out with Sam. We only spend time together on the bus or at lunch” (87). Sam jokingly wonders if, due to Jade’s busy schedule, she will need to find a “new best friend” (87).

Josiah approaches them and asks if they’d like to get lunch with him and Kennedy that afternoon at Zack’s, a local burger place. Though Jade does not usually have the money to eat out at lunch, and she rarely hangs out with Josiah and Kennedy (the wealthy black clique at the school), she says yes: “I say okay, but only because E.J. gave me some money. He does that sometimes after he’s deejayed at a big event” (88). 

Jade and Sam join Josiah, Kennedy, and two of their friends for lunch at Zack’s. Kennedy is rude to the server when she mistakenly gives Kennedy regular fries rather than sweet potato fries. They take their food back to school to eat and, in Jade’s words, “the whole ride back she whines about how she’s wasted her calories on something she doesn’t really want” (89). On the car ride, the conversation turns to Northeast Portland and how awful the neighborhood is; no one but Jade knows that that is where Sam lives. Jade thinks: “If they feel that way about Sam’s neighborhood, they must think I live in a wasteland” (90).

When the group gets to school, Jade and Sam take leave, sitting in the hallway to eat their burgers and fries. Alone, the girls agree that they will never go to lunch with that group again, though they will go back to Zack’s on their own—the burgers are delicious. 

Jade arrives home after school and finds that her mother has left her a note saying that she has a doctor’s appointment, along with $20 so that Jade can get herself something for dinner. Jade decides on Dairy Queen. Halloween is next weekend, and Jade observes carved pumpkins and fall leaves on her bus ride to the restaurant.

When Jade arrives, there is a long line for food, and Jade notices a group of teenage boys sitting nearby: “A group of boys are sitting at a table, all spread out and loud like they are eating at home in their living room” (93). While waiting for her food, she overhears the boys pointing to different girls in the crowd, polling whether each girl is dateable or not. Jade is not looking at the boys but she can tell when they point to her: “I know he is pointing to me, which means they are all looking at me—from behind. Not good. The man at the counter calls my number and gives me my food” (93). One boy says she is a five out of ten and comments that she must “break the scale” (94), referring to her weight. One of the other boys responds that “thick girls are fine,” and so his friend goads him into talking to Jade. When Jade rebuffs his advance, the boy calls her “every derogatory name a girl could ever be called” (94). Jade gets on the bus to go home and decides she will make a collage using the paper bag from the Dairy Queen.

Chapter 25 is another one-page fragment, mimicking a collage that Jade is working on. She places the crown in the center of the piece and, in the background, writes a series of words the boy could have called her instead of the derogatory names, among them “scholar,” “artist,” and “dreamer” (96). 

Sam makes plans to visit Jade at her home after school one day, which surprises Jade since Sam’s racist grandmother made such a “fuss,” in Jade’s words, about her neighborhood being one of the most (supposedly) dangerous in Portland.

Jade meets Sam at the bus stop. They stop at Frank’s, a grocery store, to get chicken wings before heading home. There they bump into Lee Lee. She hassles Jade about not being available lately and invites both Jade and Sam to her cousin Andrea’s house. At Andrea’s, Jade gets caught up with how things are at Northside high school. Lee Lee says she is involved in a DIY poetry club, which is an unofficial gathering of students who meet and share their writing. When the time comes for Sam to go home, Jade and Lee Lee both walk her to the bus stop. Jade remarks that Sam’s grandmother is scared of North Portland, to which Lee Lee replies that she is baffled, since Northeast Portland is just as impoverished as their neighborhood. Lee Lee says, “White people are a trip. […] How you gonna live in a ‘hood but be afraid to come to another ‘hood?” (103). 

It is Thanksgiving, and E.J. and Lee Lee join Jade and her mother for their annual holiday tradition: “We go downtown and volunteer at the Portland Rescue Mission. ‘We don’t have much, but we have more than a lot of other people,’ Mom says” (104). After volunteering, the group heads to Jade’s mother’s house for dinner. As they eat, the conversation turns to Lee Lee’s revolutionary-activist history teacher, Mrs. Phillips, who does not celebrate Thanksgiving because the holiday commemorates when “our nation was stolen from indigenous people” (105).

Jade feels embarrassed for not ever having considered that Thanksgiving was a holiday with colonialist origins. Meanwhile, E.J. and Lee Lee compare the experiences of African Americans and Native Americans in the United States, with E.J. saying that he is grateful to be an American, even though the country has mistreated both communities. The rest of the dinner is somber, as everyone mulls over the discussion, until dessert is brought out. The dessert is a cobbler Jade and Lee Lee made—one of the first times either of them has cooked. Everyone laughs as E.J. takes a bite of the cobbler and makes a face, breaking the tension. 

It is the first weekend in December and Maxine is driving Jade to downtown Portland for the next Woman to Woman outing: a trip to the Portland Art Museum. Maxine asks Jade if she has ever been to a museum; Jade senses Maxine is trying to gauge if Jade knows how to behave in a museum.

Inside the museum, Jade and Maxine join the rest of the group. As they enter the first exhibit, Maxine takes a call from Jon and mouths the words “I’m so sorry. This is important” (109) as she leaves the group. Maxine shoos Jade to go on without her. Jade continues through the museum, but she is angry with Maxine: “I can’t stop thinking how rude it was for Maxine to take that phone call—especially from Jon” (110). When Maxine finally re-joins the group, the trip is over; Maxine asks Jade what she thought of the experience. Jade says it was “awesome,” but she is still angry. Maxine and Jade go to a restaurant and Jade steers the conversation toward the things that are bothering her—not just over the incident at the museum, but also the condescending way Maxine sometimes treats her. Jade asks Maxine, “What did you mean when you said people in North Portland live in a bubble? I live in North Portland and I—” (111). Maxine tries to justify her comment, but what irritates Jade most is that Maxine is “talking about her friends like show knows them, like she understands anything about them” (112).

As Maxine goes on talking, her words indicate to Jade that she still does not see her error. Jade asks Maxine why she signed up to be a mentor in Woman to Woman, and Maxine says that she is interested in working with young girls and women—especially women of color—because she wishes she had had someone to help her when she was in high school. Jade asks Maxine, “You think I need someone to talk to?” (114). Maxine responds, “I don’t know. Do you?” (114). Jade wants to reply yes, but she fears that will confirm Maxine’s stereotyped perception of her—that she is just “some ‘hood girl with a bunch of problems she has to come and fix” (114). Jade thinks about how different they are and wonders why Mrs. Parker felt they would be a good match. 

Jade rides the bus to downtown Portland with her camera. She takes pictures of everything: “Every corner has a story; ever block asks a question. So many worlds colliding all at once. I document my walk, hiding away in places people can’t see me so I’m not obvious” (117). Jade comes upon a mural she has never seen before on the Oregon Historical Society building: “There’s a larger-than-life mural of Lewis and Clark, Sacagawea with her baby, and York with Seaman, the dog that accompanied them on the trip” (118). Jade takes photos of this mural, the last one zoomed in closely on York’s face. 

With Christmas coming soon, Jade, Lee Lee, and Sam gather at Jade’s house to make holiday cards. Lee Lee worries about crafting homemade cards because she is unable to draw, but Jade tells her that they’ll be doing collages—no need to be able to draw. Lee Lee reminisces about how, in sixth grade when she and Jade attended the same middle school, one of Lee Lee’s drawings was so bad that their art teacher refused to display it alongside the other students’. Lee Lee says that her skill is poetry; she then asks Sam what she is good at, and Sam does not have an immediate answer: “Sam stops writing. She thinks—longer than I expect—and says, ‘I don’t know. Nothing like writing poetry or making art’” (121). Jade says that being a good friend is a talent and that Sam is a wonderful friend. Sam thanks her and tells her that she is a good friend, too. 

Chapter 31 is another one-page fragment, this one detailing the New Year’s resolution that Jade makes to herself in collage form, “in black Sharpie marker on top of a background made out of cut-up scriptures, words from newspaper headlines, and numbers from last year’s calendar” (123). Her resolution is to: “Be bold. Be brave. Be beautiful. Be brilliant. Be (your) best” (123). 

For the next Woman to Woman outing, Maxine has invited Jade to her apartment, where a few of Maxine’s friends will join them. Since Jade expressed her concerns, Maxine has been making more of an effort to be a reliable mentor to Jade.

Upon arrival, Jade notes how exquisitely decorated Maxine’s apartment is: “Her living room looks like she bought a whole showroom at a furniture store—everything matching and perfectly in its place” (125). When Maxine’s friends join them, they start pressing Maxine for an update on her and Jon. Maxine reveals that Jon had been cheating on her and says she and Jon are certainly getting back together. Given Maxine’s history of breaking up and getting back together with Jon (and that he is unemployed, and always asking to borrow Maxine’s car or money), Maxine’s friends encourage her to remain broken up: “Kira and Bailey say, almost in unison, ‘Just don’t take him back’” (127). Jade starts to feel bad for Maxine and changes the conversation to college, asking each of the women what their experience was like. The conversation then turns to sex and dating, and Maxine argues with her friends that Jade is too young to discuss the topic. As they wrap up the evening, one of Maxine’s friends tells Jade that if she ever has questions about sex or dating, she should feel free to get in touch with her. Maxine overhears and tells her friend to “leave Jade alone” because “‘she is not like that. She’s smart […] She’s not going to mess things up by getting caught up with some guy,’ she says. ‘I’m going to see to it that she doesn’t end up like one of those girls’’” (130). Jade is offended, knowing that Maxine is referring to the girls from Jade’s neighborhood. 

Jade finishes her first collage about York, Lewis, and Clark. Jade’s mother asks her why York fascinates her so much. “[I] tell her that it’s interesting to me that a black man made the journey to find this place—the Pacific Northwest—when I all I want to do is leave it” (131). Jade starts working on her next collage, which is also related to this idea of escape: “Tonight I make something about a different expedition. The one I am on. I want to get out, and I feel like a traitor for admitting it” (131). Jade ruminates on Maxine’s comment. On the one hand, she is one of “those girls”: “I am the Kool-Aid-drinking, fast food-eating unhealthy girl she wants to give nutrition classes to. I know all about food stamps and dollar menus and layaway” (131). On the other hand, Jade is different:

I am the girl who spends her summers reading books and working, tutoring at the rec […] I am the girl who knows when to stop talking back to a teacher because I know my mother will be waiting for me when I get home, asking me if I forgot who raised me. I am the girl who dreams of going places: to college, to grad school, all around the world, if I can (132).

Still, there are indisputable ways in which she is “just the same” (132).

Jade’s schedule has been full lately: “Life has only been school all day, tutoring afterward, and sad looks from Sam, who thinks I have forgotten about her” (133). On one of her rare free days, Jade joins Sam at Pioneer Place, the local mall. Jade does not plan on buying anything, but she accompanies Sam just so they can spend time together: “Sam drags me in and out of stores for the rest of the afternoon. The only stores we go into are for skinny girls, so I’m glad I don’t have money to buy anything” (133).

At a clothing store, Sam goes off to the dressing room, leaving Jade alone. A salesclerk approaches Jade, and Jade tells her that she is waiting for her friend and plans to browse in the meantime. Jade moves away from the clothes and heads to the jewelry section, and the salesclerk follows her. The salesclerk asks to take Jade’s purse because it is “store policy” that all guests have their bags held behind the counter; however, Jade looks around and notices that all the other women in the store—all white women, she notes—are still carrying their purses. Jade points out that not everyone is participating in this store policy and she refuses to give hers up. When the salesclerk threatens to ask her to leave if she does not cooperate, Jade leaves the store voluntarily.

Jade sits on a bench just outside the store, and when Sam comes out, Jade relays the whole incident to her. Sam is in disbelief—however, she does not believe that Jade was forced out of the store because of race-related discrimination: “I don’t think it had anything to do with your race or your size. I think maybe she was just trying to do her job. That’s all” (137). Jade is not only upset by the salesclerk, she is also upset by the fact that Sam—supposedly her best friend—does not believe her when she says the incident was race-related. 

Chapter 35 is a one-page, fragmented vignette that describes Jade’s latest collage, made up of words and clippings from magazines and entitled “Things That Are Black and Beautiful” (138). Among them are a “starless night sky,” onyx, ink, panthers, “Afro Puffs,” and then at the end of the list, herself (“me”) (138). 

Jade comes home from a half day of school. She starts working on her math homework but soon runs into a problem set that makes her “stuck and frustrated” (140). Jade’s mother tries to help but she does not know anything about Algebra II. Jade says that she will ask Maxine to help her, which irritates her mother, who retorts, “Well, excuse me” (140).

Jade compliments her mother’s fish fry as they begin to eat dinner. She then asks her mother if she will come to Woman to Woman’s upcoming Healthy Eating, Healthy Living seminar, which sends her mother “into a rage” (141). Jade’s mother angrily says that she is too busy to attend the seminar; she also says that Woman to Woman has “some nerve,” telling her how to cook. Jade’s mother says:

‘You hanging around all those uppity black women who done forgot where they come from. Maxine know she knows about fried fish. I don’t know one black person who hasn’t been to a fish fry at least once in their life. Where she from?’ (142).

Sensing that her mother needs to voice these concerns, Jade lets her continue to talk about her issues with the organization.

Chapter 37 is another one-page fragment that describes Jade’s process for her next collage, which is devoted to her mother: “Photocopied pictures of my mother from when she was an infant till now are spread across the table” (143). She assembles “all the best parts” of her mother there on the page, including “the hair of her teen years,” “her hands, when she used to paint her nails,” and “the smile from her twenty-first birthday” (143). 

Jade and her mother look at their shared dry erase board calendar. Jade’s mother asks Jade, with all the upcoming Woman to Woman activities on the calendar, if Jade will be able to keep up with her studies. Jade says yes. The next Friday, Woman to Woman has organized an outing to the symphony. Jade’s mother remarks on what an “extravagant” event this trip will be; she also suggests that Jade ask Maxine what she should wear, since people are supposed to “dress up.” Jade goes to her bedroom and tries on multiple outfits but “nothing looks right” (145), so she decides to get a new dress with the money she has been saving in case of an emergency. 

At the Woman to Woman outing to the symphony, a volunteer with the Oregon Symphony gives the group a talk backstage. Jade observes the volunteer: “She is white, and the black sweater she is wearing makes her skin look pale and washed-out” (146). The volunteer walks the group to the stage so they can see the audience from the perspective of the musicians; she is talking excitedly about the different sections—strings, woodwind, brass, percussion—of the symphony, and how they all function together to form a whole.

Jade suspects the volunteer is somehow offended that the Woman to Woman group does not seem to share her enthusiasm for classical music. The volunteer says:

‘You know, some folks don’t think they can relate to this kind of music. […] Now, I know hip-hop is what you kids are all about these days […] But did you know that James DePreist was one of the first African American conductors on the world stage?’ (147).

Maxine speaks on behalf of the group, with “venom in her voice” (148), and assures the volunteer that they know who this artist is. When the backstage tour is over and the Woman to Woman group is seated, Maxine angrily says to one of the other mentors that the volunteer treated them like “poor black heathens who don’t know anything worth knowing” (148). Overhearing this, Jade begins thinking that maybe Maxine and Carla “aren’t only offended at that woman’s stereotypes, but maybe they are upset at the idea of being put in the same category as me and the other girls” (149). As the lights go down, Jade reflects on the volunteer’s stereotyped impression of the Woman to Woman group, which makes her feel hopeless that some people will “only see what they want to see” (149).

Over the next few weeks, Jade does not spend much time with Sam. There are two reasons for this: “Partly because I usually have something to do after school, but mostly because I don’t know how to be around her when I know she doesn’t think that salesclerk treated me wrong” (151). Jade does not even think that Sam realizes there is tension between the two of them, and she doubts she can be friends with someone who is so disconnected to what she goes through.

It is the end of the day at school, and Sam needs to stop by Mrs. Parker’s office before leaving. Jade waits for her. When Sam emerges from the office, she excitedly reports that she has been selected for the study abroad program at St. Francis, and that the trip this year is to Costa Rica. Jade is inwardly devastated by this news: “When she says this, there is a pain in my chest. A real physical pain” (152). Despite her pain, Jade tries to be happy for Sam and congratulates her. At the bus stop, Sam asks Jade if something is wrong. Jade says no but then snaps when Sam suggests that Jade joins the trip—Jade angrily reminds Sam that students need to be nominated in order to participate, and Mr. Flores nominated Sam but not Jade. They ride in silence for most of the way, but when they get close to Sam’s stop, Sam asks if Jade can come over that weekend to spend the night. Jade flatly tells her that she needs to ask her mother.