Paris: The Memoir

The staff at Provo threatens its graduates and tells them that they will ruin their reputation if they do not say positive things about Provo after they leave. Many survivors self-medicate, and Hilton credits her sister with getting her through the first couple of months after her release. Hilton says that after her release, Nicky took on the role of protective older sister, and Hilton still feels like she is fighting to catch up to her sister after she lost years in the residential schools. Nobody, even Hilton’s siblings, knew where she really was. Her parents kept it a secret, and they told people that she was attending a performing arts school. Hilton goes along with the story. Afraid that what she heard is true—that her parents could still have her committed to a mental institution even now that she is an adult—she tries to do what they want. She was told at the schools that she embarrassed those she loves. She no longer believes she deserves love. 

Hilton does not feel comfortable living with her family at the Waldorf. She goes to numerous schools (some are boarding schools), but she gets kicked out or leaves them all. She has no transferable credits from her time away, and as such, she would have to resume school as a 10th grader should she return.