Ordinary People

Conrad’s father, Cal is preparing for the morning next to his wife, Beth. Beth tells Cal to speak to Conrad about his recent change of fashion, to which Cal replies “That’s the style. Decency is out, chaos is in-” (7), before ultimately agreeing to do as she asks.

As he finishes getting ready, thoughts of fatherhood, responsibility, and memories of his upbringing at the Evangelical Home for Orphans and Old People invade his mind. Cal was raised in the home from age four, even though his mother was still alive. There was no father figure in Cal’s life. Though he hasn’t thought of his childhood in many years, his son’s homecoming has him questioning his duties as a father. Cal has done everything to give his boys a perfect life, no matter the cost.

Since Conrad came home, Cal has been watching him diligently and hoping for a return to normalcy. Conrad has isolated himself from his friends, and Cal reminds himself to reach out to Dr. Berger, who was recommended by Dr. Crawford.

Eventually, the family sits down for breakfast. Cal asks Conrad how he is doing, but Conrad doesn’t offer much information. Cal looks at his son, who is 20 pounds lighter and whose long brown hair was “chopped bluntly,” and resigns himself to this new reality.

Cal tells Conrad to call Dr. Berger. At first, Conrad protests because he has swimming practice every night. Cal is persistent, and eventually, Conrad agrees. As Cal watches him leave the breakfast table, he is reminded that “[g]rowing up is serious business” (13) and is grateful that he will never have to be young again.

Conrad is waiting outside his house for his friend, Lazenby, to pick him up for school. He grows anxious as his wait grows longer, knowing that if Lazenby does not hurry, his mother will have to drive him to school. While he stands outside, he looks up at his bedroom window. He finds it ironic that “in the early morning, the room is his enemy; there is danger in just being awake. Here, looking up, it is a refuge” (15), and he wishes he were back inside. He considers the concern in his father’s voice when he told him to call Dr. Berger and worries that his anxiety and sadness are spreading to Cal.

Lazenby pulls up in the car with a couple of other boys: Stillman and Van Buren. The boys are discussing the difficulty of balancing swimming and studying. Conrad isn’t in their classes this year because he missed his exams during his hospital stay. Lazenby laments that they didn’t let Conrad pass his classes, and Conrad begins to panic over the attention that has been brought to his situation. It soon passes, however, and the conversation shifts when Stillman looks out the window at Jeanine Pratt, “[a] small, neat-looking redhead […] hurrying along the street, her books in her arms” (17). Lazenby tells him that she is a new student. Stillman, who is “good-looking” and overly confident, makes a crude remark about her, and then mocks Conrad for his clear attraction to her.

Conrad’s first day back to school does not improve. He is unfocused in class but is determined to keep up with the workload. He is desperate to return to normal and rejoin the swim team and choir. He resents his teachers’ concerns. The only place where Conrad feels free and “normal” is in choir. The choir director, Faughnan, is “a perfectionist” and insists that Conrad is needed in the a cappella choir to maintain a sense of balance. The focus required to sing perfectly helps distract Conrad from everything else. Another distraction soon shows up: Jeanine Pratt. Faughnan introduces them, and Conrad recognizes her as the girl he saw earlier from Lazenby’s car.

At swim practice, Coach Salan checks in on Conrad. He bluntly asks if he is on any medicine and if he received shock treatment at the hospital. Conrad confirms that he did. Salan is awkward when talking to Conrad as if he is fragile. Conrad swims noticeably slower, and Salan asks if he should still be on the team. Conrad tries to keep his cool and assures Salan that he is willing to work. On his way home from practice, Stillman asks Conrad how he thinks Danoff and Edge, two sophomores, are doing since both beat Conrad’s times. Though Lazenby tries to soften the blow, Stillman’s remark rings true; the two younger boys are remarkable swimmers, much better than Conrad is now.

When Conrad gets home, he goes up to his room and opens his desk drawer. He pulls out a photograph of Lazenby, Buck, and himself from when they won a medley relay. He puts it away and leaves his room, nearly running into his mother. The two are cordial, and she walks away. As she does, Conrad makes up a lie about how well he is doing at swim practice. He is eager to please her but can’t shake his anxiety: He is not performing well at all.

Cal and Beth are on a date at an upscale restaurant, and Cal reminisces about when he and Beth first met. He and Ray, his law partner, were “working off the tensions of a hideous law exam […] on the tennis courts of the Beverly Racquet Club” (26). Beth was there with a friend and asked them to play doubles. The four of them went to dinner, and Cal broke off a previously arranged date with another woman. From that night onward, he never dated anyone besides Beth.

Beth pulls Cal back into the present. She has an envelope full of travel brochures, and she pitches the idea of going to London for Christmas. Cal thinks going away this year isn’t a good idea. Beth is upset and reminds him that they always go out of the country for Christmas. They argue: Beth insists she needs to get away, but Cal worries that it’s not the right time for Conrad. They fight over who is at fault for Conrad’s suicide attempt, which happened on last year’s Christmas vacation in Florida. Cal suggests going in the spring instead, but she is unconvinced. They leave their lunch with the argument unresolved.

Back at his office, Ray visits Cal. Their business talk turns to the family, and Ray asks if Conrad is back to his normal routine. He starts to say that he wouldn’t let his kid get so involved in extracurricular activities so soon but catches himself. At first, Cal is annoyed by Ray’s unsolicited advice. Ray has two girls, ages 19 and seven, and they seem to be the perfect family. Cal can’t stay mad at Ray, though, as he means well.

Cal wonders if there is anyone who can help his son and remembers that Conrad finally made an appointment with Dr. Berger. Cal thinks that this is “[a]nother duty of fatherhood. Checking up. […] Protecting yourself from further grief” (34). He doesn’t want to lose another child; his son Jordan, or “Buck,” died in an accident, and Cal feels responsible. 

The building where Dr. Berger’s office is located is dark and decrepit, filled with offices of other specialty physicians. Conrad finds himself in a room that’s “[b]arely furnished […but] still seems cluttered” (38). A man stands hunched over his desk, his back to Conrad. He turns around and stares at Conrad, his “compelling and vivid blue” (38) eyes holding him in sharp focus.

Dr. Berger welcomes Conrad and asks why he is there. Conrad explains that he was forced to come after being in the hospital for eight months. When Dr. Berger asks why he was there, Conrad reveals that he attempted suicide by cutting his wrists with a razor. Dr. Berger asks what Conrad wants to work on, and Conrad says he wants to be more in control and stop his father from worrying about him so much—he says his mother doesn’t worry at all.

Conrad fills Dr. Berger in about Buck’s death. There was a sailing accident the summer before last, and Buck drowned. When he finishes, Dr. Berger tells Conrad that gaining control will take a lot of work, so he recommends two sessions a week. Conrad agrees to skip swim practice those days to work with Dr. Berger. At the end of his session, Conrad feels much more willing to come back. More than anything, he is relieved to have found a space where he can talk about everything, and nothing is hidden or swept under the rug. 

Cal stares out his office window. He and Beth fought last night because she asked him to ask Conrad about the trip to London for Christmas, but Cal refused. He asked why she wouldn’t ask Conrad herself, but she retorted “What are you afraid of? It’s a question. […] You certainly ask him enough other questions—How did he sleep? How does he feel?” (47). Cal tries to ask Beth how she feels, but Beth tells him he’s missing the point. She wants things to be normal again and for the questions to stop.

Now, Cal asks himself repeatedly, “Who the hell are you?” (48). His struggle with his identity haunts him daily. He is reminded of one man who always seemed to know exactly who he was, his purpose, and what he wanted out of life: Arnold Bacon.

Cal first met Bacon when he was 17 while living at the Evangelical home. Bacon approached him, praising his grades, and asked if Cal had ever considered a law career. Before this meeting, Cal had considered everything from being a fireman to a professional tennis player, but that changed after he met Bacon. Cal was soon on track for a law career. As his mentor, Bacon became a father figure.

There was one point of contention between Cal and Bacon: Cal’s marriage to Beth. Bacon advised against law students marrying before graduating. When Cal decided to marry Beth anyway, Bacon cut contact with him. This was “Cal’s first actual experience with loss” (49). His grief over Bacon’s indifference toward their relationship was no less painful than if he had died.

Cal pulls himself out of the memory, still unable to define who he is. As he looks out the window again, he remembers that today would have been Buck’s 19th birthday.

Conrad drives to Skokie to visit a friend from the hospital, Karen. They meet at a drugstore near her house, but the conversation falls flat. Conrad questions whether the two of them are still friends. He remembers how “[t]hey talked for hours on the stone bench outside the rec-room door. […] Surely she must remember” (53). Karen tells Conrad she can’t stay too long since she has to get back to a drama club meeting. When he tells her she can leave, she reminds him that he’s the one who asked to meet.

The awkwardness breaks when Conrad makes Karen laugh by mocking the waiter behind his back. The two of them catch up a bit, and Karen asks if Conrad is seeing a doctor. He tells her about Berger and asks if she is seeing someone, too. She tells him she was seeing someone before, but he was too expensive and didn’t seem to help. Conrad, embarrassed, says that he probably won’t see Dr. Berger too much longer and is only going to him because his father makes him. In reality, Conrad feels the appointments are “a chance to feel better twice a week” (55). He scolds himself for being two-faced, especially to Karen.

Eventually, Karen leaves for her meeting. Before she leaves, she tells Conrad to call her again. Conrad nods but senses that she doesn’t mean it. Most of their meeting felt like she did not want to be there. Conrad, disappointed and hurt, leaves for home.

It’s a Saturday evening, and Cal pours himself a glass of scotch. He has been busying himself all day to kill time before the party he and Beth are going to that night. Conrad comes back from his visit with Karen. Cal tries to strike up a conversation, but Conrad only says that he went to visit a friend in Skokie. Cal finds this behavior odd, thinking it’s “[a] long way to go for friendship. […] What happened to the people closer to home?” (60). Cal doesn’t press the issue.

Cal poses the idea of a trip to London in the spring. Conrad agrees with going then unless Beth wants to go at Christmas. If that’s the case, he doesn’t mind going for the holiday. Beth overhears this conversation and interrupts, telling Cal it’s time to leave for the party. Cal stands but is hesitant to leave Conrad alone. He brushes off the feeling, telling himself that Conrad will be 18 soon, and he has to stop worrying every time he leaves.

In the car, Beth points out that Conrad is fine with going to London for Christmas. Cal reminds her that he doesn’t want to go but said that to please them. Beth shrugs; it’s too late to book anything at this point. Cal promises that they’ll go in the spring, but Beth doesn’t answer.

At the party, Cal finds it difficult to fit in. He did not want to attend in the first place, and he is annoyed by several guests. Marty Genthe, whose son goes to school with Conrad, asks how he is doing. Beth cuts the conversation short by saying that he’s fine and moves on to another topic. Later, Marty and Cal are talking by themselves, and Cal lets slip that Conrad has been seeing a doctor twice a week. When Beth finds out, she grows frustrated with Cal, telling him he drinks too much and reveals too much private information.

When they get home, Cal peeks into Conrad’s bedroom. He fell asleep with one of his school books in hand, and Cal gently closes it and puts it on the nightstand. As he does, he takes time to really look at the vertical scar on Conrad’s arm. The intern in the ambulance told Cal they were lucky to find him; vertical cuts bleed out a lot faster than horizontal ones. He remembers that Dr. Crawford told him that “[h]igh achievers […] set themselves impossible standards. They have this need to perform well, to look good; they suffer excessive guilt over failure” (70). Cal remembers being baffled by this since Conrad never fails at anything. He says a silent prayer about Conrad’s school assignment, hoping that the work won’t make him feel as if he’s failing.