One in a Millennial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting In

Kennedy had a daybed growing up. In retrospect, the bed was uncomfortable and impractical. However, she loved that it converted into a trundle and a couch. She has never slept well and often stayed up late reading, watching television, and practicing her handwriting in the daybed. She includes a tangential examination of the pop culture she consumed from the daybed, including watching and imitating episodes of RuPaul’s show.

Kennedy’s daybed was perfect for hosting sleepovers. She describes the difference between sleepovers and slumber parties. Sleepovers were more intimate affairs with closer friends and slumber parties were larger affairs where girls often slept on the floor (47). Kennedy usually hosted sleepovers with her close neighborhood friends Emily Hirah, Morgan, and Elise. Kennedy enjoyed slumber parties, but they were more complicated affairs. Sometimes, she and her friends watched PG-13 movies, played pranks on each other, or snuck into friends’ families’ second refrigerators. She describes the differences between various friends’ homes and how their houses represented their socioeconomic circumstances (52). She also describes the different games she and her friends would play, including more superstitious rituals, clapping games, and storytelling. These were formative experiences for Kennedy, and she misses the opportunities that such gatherings created for female friendship and bonding. She still has many of the same friends, but they spend their time differently now. However, she’s still grateful for the memories they made.

Kennedy got her first AOL screen name when she was 10 years old. AIM introduced her to the world of the internet and gave her a way to connect with people in new ways. Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok didn’t exist yet, and being online was a novelty. Choosing the right screen name was one of the first challenges of the experience. Talking on AIM also created social situations where friends would try to impersonate each other. Away messages added another complication to Kennedy’s first online experience. She often tried to pretend that she was busy or interesting by choosing the right sort of screen name. At one point, she even tried to secure “a vacation boyfriend” to convince friends she was talking to someone who was older but didn’t live nearby (68).

Kennedy considers how these dynamics influenced her sense of self as she grew up. In some ways, AIM was negative and distracted her. However, it also gave her a safe space to play with language and to communicate in the best way she knew how: using word games and humor. On several occasions, she developed AIM friendships with boys she couldn’t talk to in school. Sometimes this made her feel insecure, but it also introduced her to her interest in social media and technology. She likes communicating through screens and online forums to this day. However, she also had to learn to balance online and in-person relationships.

Kennedy has always loved pop culture but has often been criticized for it. She has always wanted a sense of meaning and purpose, but sometimes this desire conflicts with her love for cultural trends. When she was growing up, she became involved in various Christian churches and youth groups. She argues that this culture was particularly prevalent during the nineties (83). In these settings, Kennedy learned that she was supposed to save herself for her future husband. She was supposed to be quiet and pure and wasn’t supposed to think about boys or sex. In an aside, she explains that these ideas originated from the True Love Waits movement started by the Southern Baptist Convention (86). The movement prioritized virginity and celibacy, particularly for young girls. Soon, pop stars began wearing purity rings and supporting these ideals. Kennedy tried to do the same and remembers with embarrassment the way she criticized her peers when she heard about their normal sexual experiences. She also notes that the movement impacted school dress codes and sex education classes. She wishes more precedence had been put on consent, safety, and healthy exploration.

Over time, Kennedy learned to feel increasingly guilty and ashamed. She was taught that she was sinful and broken and didn’t know how to please a God who she was told to fear. She considers how the God she was taught about is similar to the male figures in a patriarchal society, including leaders and husbands. Although she eventually distanced herself from the church, these ideas continued to impact her throughout her adolescence and adulthood. She has struggled to feel worthy of others’ love and was confused about her sexual desire and body. She has since tried to embrace freedom, pride, and self-empowerment and to create a new church and belief system that she believes in.