November 9

All of Ben’s secrets are exposed as Fallon reads the manuscript he wrote about their relationship. She initially refuses to read it in its entirety, as it is her habit to push away things that hurt—but her mother convinces her by pointing out that she is not the only one who was hurt by the fire. Fallon’s mother has proven an important element in Fallon’s life. Fallon refuses to pursue a serious relationship until she is 23 because of her mother’s advice, and she decides to read Ben’s book—a symbol of his betrayal—because of her mother. Although Fallon’s mother only physically appears in the novel once, she proves an important motivator for Fallon and a surprising advocate for Ben.

As Fallon reads, the theme of Knowledge Alters Perception is explored as she begins to see the fire that scarred her through new eyes. Fallon initially blamed her father for his part in the fire (he failed to inform first responders of her presence in the house)—however, as she reads the manuscript, she learns of his heartbreak moments before the fire began (having learned of the death of Ben’s mother) and takes into account her only informing him of her presence in the house via a text message (not a phone call). She acknowledges her father’s selfish nature, but also finds herself seeing him in a different, more empathetic light. This allows her to reach out to him and attempt to begin anew once more.

Just as Fallon’s opinion of her father changes, so do her thoughts on Ben. When she learned that Ben was responsible for the fire, she was furious. She does not allow herself to consider the fire as an act of raw emotion rather than malice; she even reads into her first meeting with Ben while lacking the proper knowledge. However, reading the first four chapters of the manuscript allows Fallon to understand the fire as the act of a 16-year-old lashing out in anger and grief.

The act and aftermath of suicide are handled in complex ways. At first, the reader is poised to feel angry for a then teenage Ben, who found his mother after she died by suicide. Ben partially blames himself for the suicide, as he was the only one living with his mother at the time and feels he could have intervened. However, his mother’s explanation for her death (not wanting her terminal cancer to be a “burden” on her sons) alleviates some of his anger and guilt—but doesn’t make the loss hurt any less. It is the trauma associated with his mother’s death that leads to Ben setting Donovan’s car on fire (and accidentally causing Fallon’s scars). While far from an excuse, Ben’s past allows for some sympathy for the teenager he was, as well as sympathy for a woman who thought she was doing right by her sons and could not have imagined the pain she would cause her youngest.

Ben’s manuscript becomes a symbol of his secrets as well as a new beginning for him and Fallon. After reading it, Fallon gets a symbolic tattoo that shows Ben that she read and understood the manuscript, and that she returns his feelings despite the painful event that brought them together. It appears Ben and Fallon will move forward together, despite having only known each other for a short period of time and having struggled through two major conflicts (Ben’s relationship with Jordyn and him setting the fire). Both characters show a great deal of growth through the novel, and reveal that the romantic trope of insta-love is not as unrealistic as they might have once believed.