NOS4A2

From the beginning of the novel, Vic’s feelings about motherhood are conflicted. She blames her mother for the trouble in her parent’s relationship more than her father, although her father—by his own admission late in the novel, shares at least as much responsibility. To have a child is to accept—or reject—a grave responsibility. Vic does not believe she ever had a positive role model for parenting, which she uses to mitigate her shame over her struggles with Wayne. However, Vic doesn’t reveal her feelings about motherhood to Wayne. When Manx takes him, Vic experiences all the rage, panic, and terror that any parent would.

It is easier for Vic to make large, courageous gestures than it is to tend to the mundanities of responsible parenting. She never wavers on her determination to rescue him, even though she (correctly) suspects that it will cost her life. Rather, it is the small things that she finds herself unable to do. In the country store, when she thinks about what she likes about women, she contemplates the ideal mother: “She thought of mothering, which was really another word for being present and caring what happened to someone” (254). Parenting is about providing protection and foresight for those who are too young or inexperienced to protect or think for themselves.