No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us

The book’s title reflects both a goal and a problem: The goal of an abuser is to leave no marks that others might notice, and the problem of abuse lies in the fact that most of it happens behind closed doors, where it remains hidden from view.

Shame and silence intersect with abuse in several ways. The abuser often struggles with feelings of shame that he cannot address, discuss, or channel either inside or outside the home for fear of looking weak. The abuser takes out his rage—at himself, at his own failings, at society—on the person to whom he is closest. For the abused, the injuries she suffers are shameful—something she cannot admit because society teaches us that this violence only happens to ignorant, weak, or lower-class women, or to women who do not love their children enough to leave. Because the abuse is hidden from view, the victim receives neither the attention nor the assistance that someone with visible injuries could expect, and the silence that surrounds the victim only increases her sense of isolation and desperation. Further complicating matters is the fact that physical violence often occurs alongside emotional abuse that gradually erodes the victim’s self-esteem and thus compounds her sense of shame.